For want of a better title: April 2005

For want of a better title

Tall and Tan and oh so Sexy, the boy *not* from Ipanema goes walking by...

Saturday, April 30, 2005

This is White Country

Hello my little pets. Last night looked like it was going to be a sucky sucky evening. Went to see sister hazel in the drizzle and by like 9pm all my buddies here were too drunk to do anything. Luckily I got a call from my friends over at the other local uni and I went to McGurk's. Yeah it's the Irish palace. If you're an Irish band (as in you play traditional Gaelic music, not the U2 kind of music), you're not big until you play at McGurk's. It was amazing. Very nice. And only my second time there. Anyway, I wasn't driving. I hired a limo for it. Ha Ha. Fun Fun Fun. So my pal, JS (names are not revealed to protect identities), decided that he wanted to park his jeep back before we went to my usual haunt Morgan Street. He also decided to call along his ex-girlfriend, C, and her friend L. Also a last minute inclusion of my old buddy, MF (no note mother f**ker, just his initials), made it a formidible five-some. So my previously dull night looked like it might get better.

Anyway we got to Morgan Street and I went to see my old friends, namely the manager SD and another bartender Lump. Anyway I got to know them 3 years ago when I hung out at SD's bar and just got to know him better. Soon we were like buddies. And on thursdays Lump worked with SD at the back of the bar, so I got to know Lump very well too. Now I go and drink and it costs me US$25 to feed (or make drunk) 5 people. I think I received 20 shots, 3 mixed drinks, and 4 beers for that. Mind you a large bottle of beer (the 1L kind) costs US$5.75 and a shot is usually US$3 to US$5. Ha ha. I think I took 9 shots in an hour and a half. I hear its hairdressers weekend and everyone gets drunk and laid on that weekend. It seems hairdressers on convention are an extremely horny lot. Male or female. Ha ha. Anyway despite my heavy drinking, I was the most sober of the crowd, while C and L were most definetely drunk. Although I'm quite impressed that L held her liqour far better.

So at around 1 we changed venues to Club Buca. It was crowded dingy and full of horny guys. I mean there were hot girls too, but we all know why women are at clubs. To dance. So really drunk C and L decided to go dancing. Of course MF, JS and me, like all good gentlemen decided to stay by the bar and drink (yeah. I know. We should've gone). In less than 5 minutes C comes stumbling back and dragging me, of all people, to help L out. Some dude was dry humping her and not letting her get free. I had to go and sorta dance with her. This would be easy if C wasn't drunk... I had to watch C and make sure she didn't get into the same situation as L, while trying to get L out of the fix. But I got to dance with two hot girls. Not bad at all. =) [hi mom. I really really am trying so stop bugging me]

Anyway by 1.30 I was pretty much hanging on to C to make sure she didn't hit the floor. It was awkward as hell because I actually had to hold her waist while talking to everyone else, and I mean she's JS's ex. You got to be really careful with that kind of things. I kept trying to get him to hang on to her, but nooooooo... Poor little bunny has to hold on to her. Sigh... And she was good looking too. Blond and all... I mean seriously while dancing with the two girls in a sandwich, this little bunny definetely felt the stirrings of a massive boner. Luckily I had great control [hi mom. see what a gentleman I am], and a lot of help from the alcohol (sorry mr.liver don't go on strike). So back into the Limo we all climbed... And L asked me to hang out with her and her buddies next weekend. It's not very often this little bunny gets an invite to go out with a girl and her friends. I mean she actually said her friends needed to meet me... That's funny. This little bunny's shiny white tail is all swishing. Sorry to all the singlapolean women out there... but I think this little bunny might prefer the women in the land of the flee (ed: he's right you know) [hi mom. I know you don't quite like an ang mo d-in-law but dad did say I should experiment more and not settle on one too quickly] (talk about words you tell your kid at 17 coming back to haunt you).

Anyway and old friend popped in to say hi. And I have to go talkies talk talk... I will see all of you my beloved slaves... erm.. readers soon...until then keep on chugging good beer.

Friday, April 29, 2005

Intro, Intro

SquareBrain.Net

Ok. Dun say I chikopek or something, I intro a nice comic blog for all you folks. Yeah they got tomorrowed so I'm sure alot of you have read it. But for all my American (ang mo for you more unkind folk) friends, it's funny. Describes a guy's life in singapore i guess. Or anywhere else. You all know you're nerds deep down inside. =P

Also hope you all like the audio blog. Heh. So hard to hear though. will try another time some time later. Going off to McGurk's. The Irish palace. Oh yeah...

my first audio blog, be gentle

this is an audio post - click to play

Ha Ha

OMG! I get fan mail. I wish it wasn't raining. It's so fucking wet out here. I want to go see sister hazel but it's raining. I wish it wasn't. I really want to do an audio blog. Heh... For 5 minutes at least. Talking about five minutes go check out strangerhood. Make me want to play Sims 2.

My advice is do not do 7 good german double bocks in 2 hours. It will make you inebreiated. I don't even know if I am spelling this write.

Anyway I recieve an email from bryna. I don't get much email (hint hint). First let me say one thing. Hey bryna want to marry me? [hi mom. i really do try] Even if you're a guy.. seriously. Secondly i'm worried about my reader count. I used to be able to trust that I had like one or two dedicated readers. Now I don't know. It seems like my ego my expand too big. I love your comments and emails though. You know I try my best to reply to them on my blog. I mean my pals are beginning to worry that i'll blog everything. Seriously buddies, I wun blog the really secretive stuff like gay aussie dragons (ha ha I mentioned dragon agian. pay up.)

Woah... too drunk to really thing too much. I'm going to do my darnest and get to the sister hazel at the quad. I really want to try this audio blog thing as well as get my loyal followers... *cough* i mean readers to experience something new. Also if I speak in an ang mo accent I ask for your forgiveness, I actually have two accents. One for my lovely and loyal singaporean (first time i spelt it right) and another for my good buddies in america (so at least we dun reveal our cheenapo secrets to them).

Also for all you singaporean girls out there, if you want a date drop me a line. I'm not handosme or buff or have a nice huge monster dick (OMG did I say that?!?) but I promise i'll be nice and we have a good time. =P

Have a wonderful time, as I am. I need to go purchase more beer and alcohol folks.

P.S. Vamp jie why are you not telling me about your bang cock trip? Sigh...

P.P.S. Stay tuned for a black/white/yes/no interview

P.P.P.S in case you're wondering P.S. stands for post script, so it's P.P.S for post post script and not P.S.S. since post script script makes less sense you uneducated fools. So take that to where the sun don't shine and spread my gospel.

Wandering

So have you ever considered that when we do something romantic, we actually do it for an audience? Is it ever truly heartfelt, or do we do it because we want others, including our other half to know? Could we really do something for the person we love without letting them know we did it? I'm just asking this because is struck me. Do we really do the things we do because we want to or because we want others to know we did. Hmmm...

Flying Circus and the Man of Mystery

Hello my little duckies. So I got most definetely miyagi-ed... F**K! Because of that I have an increase of 1 reader (I only count according to comments, not so egotistical to keep a counter)(lies!) (ed: no counter, but ego huge). Must send him like fruit basket or something to thank him for actually thinking my site is good enough for him. Ha ha... After all the shit I give him. And I don't even know the bugger in real life (to be honest I fear growing old into him).

By and by duckies, I am still drunk. Yes I know it's 11am in the morning, but I've been drunk since wednesday 8pm... heh... I think my liver is going to go on strike (cannot, otherwise will crackdown) or will go on holiday to the bahamas or something like that... Ha Ha... I can so see my liver sitting on the beach sipping pina coladas heh... without me... the Biatch!

Yeah so the ed and the (lies/truth) fellahs are all drunk with me (if you haven't figured out, we're one and the same, just different aspects, like the holy trinity, ha ha, come get me Benedict XVI), so dun expect anything from them.

Since I'm drunk enough let me rip on Xiaxue. I mean seriuously... WTF, mate? The whole "let me post my bday party on my blog". Do you really want wierdos like me showing up at your door? Is this a ploy to get more bday presents? Do you really love all that attention? Does me writing about you turn you on? If so, how about you and I get together sometime? (ed:erm... drunk... excuse the author).

By the way my little pets my brithday is in august, and none of you are invited to it. Don't come knocking on my door. I will kill you and make sure you die from it (truth!) (ed: erm... *cough*).

Now I must go and clean myself since I felt like i got jizzed on by mr.miyagi and I also need to go get some weapons before the Xiaxue zombies come and start attacking my nice little home. You know this used to be a nice neighborhood until those zombies moved in.

I am still drunk, and I get to see Sister Hazel for free tonight. Maybe I'll audio blog it for all you retro people out there (i'm thinking of some old folks in the blogadoobie, you know who you are). Sad to think the 90s are already retro. Sigh... Old... Funny how when I was growing up Class 95 would play songs from the 70s, last year they only play songs from the 80s. Singapore needs a 70s station and a jazz station too. I mean seriously, here i get Red104.1 for jazz, and Rams103.3 for retro 70s shit. It's all good here... I wish singapore had some of that.

Ok off to get lunch and more food. Later my minions...

Thursday, April 28, 2005

Bits and Pieces

Okay. So I'm definetely a little too drunk to be typing. But whatever. So if this isn't up to your journalistic standards, you can go suck my shiny white tail.

Firstly, you people take me way too seriously. Platypus he of "least we forget" as opposed to "lest we forget" fame, thought he should defend himself. heh... DON'T take me seriously. Seriously... Don't take me seriously (ed:erm... i guess you can listen to him here, I am way too drunk for this)

Also have you seen Xiaxue stoopid decision to put directions to her birthday party. I won't even dignify it with a link. All you f**kers know how I feel about her. Ha ha... Man I got to go and drink some more... Later.

Texas Hold'em

Poker! Yes my little minions today's topic will be about poker. Actually I lie (truth!)... I'm going to talk about several things today... Firstly I'd like to comment on Mr.Hashbrown's topic on oral history (the good kind, not the dirty kind, down boy, down!). To be honest, I think Mr Brown could go on to be the next Studs Terkel. Not only is he like the super grand old man of Cheenaporean blogdangdoodle, leading podicasting (like magic), now he can be our leading oral historian (ha ha. I said oral) (ed: sigh...).

So then his good kawan Mr. Nippon-tei talked about Poppy Day . Anyway some little f**ker thinks to correct me when he said least we forget on the comments page. It's "Lest we forget" Go check it out you little biatch. Don't teach your grandmother to suck eggs! I still remember that I was 15 (a long time ago... man... I'm an old fart) and I was helping the Seaman's Association (I know that's funny too, but i think the name was longer than that). I went to Novena Church ( i don't even know why I have to say Church, afterall without Novena, the Station would get some silly name like Thomson or something like that. Novena is way more cool). Anyway as I was selling papper poppies (yeah no stickers. I'm not a sticker bitch) and this nice old Eurasian man walked up and said:"Have you ever experienced war?" And of course I replied:"No sir, I haven't and I hope never to have to."[hi mom. see how witty and well brought up I am]. Then he laughed and bought a poppy. Having done alot of research on the Malayan Emergency and interviewing old British officers (I would have loved to talk to the soldiers, especially the Africans, but no kiswahili, i only speak english, chinese and arabic, standard and eygptian), I don't ever think I want to go to war. I mean my time in the army is probably nothing compared to hunting CT (communitst-terrorist for the unedcated swine out there, oink!) in Pahang.

Talking about donations. I realised standing outside Novena or Guan Yin Miao at Si Beh Lor (Bencoolen for the uninitiated) sure yield fast results. I mean all these folks asking their respective higher powers for help, then some young kid goes up and asks money for even more unfortunate folk, sure give one. I stood outside Novena at 9am and by 10.15am I was done. Went back to the association and they were quite surprised to see me back so early. Asked if I wanted to go out again, but like the good 15 year old I was, I demurred and went home to my computer games (you were expecting women weren't you, you dirty dirty readers).

Yeah and Ms. Molly Meeky Weeky (marry me baby!)[hi mom. I try] talked about MM Lee. Heh... And his speech. I mean seriously she's funny, real funny, plus she's got PINK! I think she should become a Stooge Times reporter. She'd actually be funny for the LIFE! section or whatever they call it now (how about unlife?)

This weekend begins the last weekend before exam week and while this little clever bunny has not exams, everyone else does, so we're all getting drunker than a drunk whale (is that possible?) before they all march into hell and back. Talking about whales... I found this funny site called Whale Tail, go check it out my minions. Sorta funny.

Talking about drinking. Power Hour and Century Club baby. That's what this little rabbit should do. Or maybe even crazy ivans. What's power hour you ask? 60 shots of beer in 60 minutes. Century Club is 100 shots in 100 minutes. Also Crazy Ivans are upturned shot glasses and snorting vodka. Heh... Not for the weak hearted or pregnant. Man oh man... need to go fill up my flask for microeconomics later. After that the history department has a wine and cheese mixer. Heh... Get to meet all the history majors and faculty. Heh... mmmm...

So to Oracle I promise this weekend will yield drunk pictures as long as I remember to bring my camera. Otherwise all we'll have is the memories until Alzheimer's hits me. (ed: actually he's very concerned with alzheimer's, and although he jokes about it, it is one of his pet charities and causes. Afterall his idol Ronald Reagan had it)

Was at the gym earlier. So different from Chingapore or LA. I mean people are actually there to workout. but the sex divide is quite clear. All the guys are like doing weights and all the ladies were like on the machines. Heh... Funny. My personal trainer is good. She always pushes me to the limits. But this poor wabbit doesn't have much power. So I lift like a girl. Heh... but she makes me do like 3 reps of 15 for them. So it's more shaping and toning then power. Yeah so ladies, I have nice tone. Heh... maybe... This also means when I come back to cheenapore for the summer I need to go to a gym. Like Cali gym or something. Must stay toned. For my own good. Not for attracting girls. Honest (truth!) Need to strengthen certain muscles to ensure that my old injuries dun come back. Think i might start pilates though. Need the toning. Especially at the core. I'm so vain... heh... or not... depending which muscles i strengthen and sculpt. I will say women at the gym i go to are quite hot, my personal trainer included. And they're so friendly.

Talking about women, I've come to realise that my home kampung girls are so much more calculative (my sis included) than the girls here. I mean people here are far more friendlier. I mean if you make eye contact, smile and start a convo, they'll actually talk to you. Supermarket line, gym, pub... I mean as long as its friendly and not like you're trying to get into their pants. I don't mean that all american women are like that, go calculative ones too. But generally they're far more friendly. Singapore women, if I made eye contact and smiled, they'd probably think I'm some perv or something. Then if i start talking they'd be like running in less than 5 seconds or calling the cops to beat the crap out of me. Silly women. Sigh... I'm going to miss this small city. After this I have to move to DC. Wonder if women there are far closer to women in chingapo?

Hokay folks, time to get my laundry and drunk. And shower... In no particular order.

PINK!!

Amelle__________ - Where But The Sublime Resides

PINK!! Yes!! Plus the author is acutally kinda candid and funny. Yes I know it's a girl, but I have yet to meet a guy author who's funny. Or maybe I'm saving them all for myself [hi mom. I'm not gay] (ed:sigh...) I actually have a pretty good group of guys I might intro, but not yet. Let me wait a little. Actually some friends of my sister, but we can save that for another post. Sigh I guess only girls do pink sites and guys tend to repeat the same shit, while girls I just far more petty and jealous to notice the little things (well there goes my credit rating). Ha ha... Have fun. I have gym in less than 7 hours.

Wednesday, April 27, 2005

Hoppity Hop Hop

Lemme tell ya a lil story...or two..

Hello my loyal subjects! The project is nearing completion... Oh sorry wrong audience. Erm... I found this site. Inexplicably drawn to sites that are pink and run by women (ed: not wholly coincidental). Anyway Auntie Celly is worth a good laugh. Silly goose. Hopefully this time the author wun come by and like leave me a comment which then creeps me out. Either that or I should stop doing drugs [hi mom. I don't do drugs] (ed: yeah he doesn't). Stoopid pesticide on the veggies. Also I think I beat Mr.Miyagi to this one. Yay! Muahahahahaha... *cough*... Sorry... Hokay, short post for now, must go to lunchies. Yeah Buddy!

Gone in 210 minutes or 12600 seconds

Wow! Today I broke my own personal best. Yup. I finished a 12 page paper in less than 4 hours. 3 1/2 in fact. Wow! On a topic I know absolutely nothing about [hi mom. don't you love this brilliant son of yours](ed: sigh... megalomania). I was working on my paper at the library and I had a beautiful view of the greenery outside. I was also blessed with the wonderful scent of a smelly grad student. It seems to me grad students don't shower or keep proper hygene. Yeah Buddy! That'll be me in August. No need to wash clothes. No need to brush teeth. No need to bathe. YES! I believe that contributed to my speedy completion. Maybe in grad school I'll do even better. Yes. Yes. I know some of you f**kers are asking if it's a quality paper. HOW THE F**K WOULD I KNOW? I don't even know the subject well. We'll see when I get it back won't we? Silly rabbits.

So nice Sandra (who is quite attractive I might add) [hi mom. see I like girls] (lies?) somehow found out that I recommended her site to all you 3 readers out there (maybe four, but who's counting?)(ed: I am). HOW DO YOU PEOPLE DO THAT? How come I mention Mr.Miyagi and he shows up? This is getting creepy... It really does creep me out. It's like there are people watching me... Anyway Sandra was nice to just drop me a smile. Damn... Now I have to ponder if that was a friendly smile or a come-hither smile or an evil-i'm-going-to-get-you smile. WOMEN!!! AAAARRRGGGHHH!! You guys use your brain and help me figure out the meaning behind :). Yeah that really has me puzzled.

Talking about some of our famous bloggers, I actually have nothing to say about that. Ha! Ha! Led you on didn't I. Suckers!

On another note if anyone knows where to get a DKU-5 cable still let me know. Most Nokia shops in Singapore are out and they don't sell any in the US. HELP! Otherwise I have to carry my camera around and take photos. But sometimes really funny stuff happens while you're just walking along, and only wierdos, my ex-girlfriends, and photographers carry cameras all the time.

Changing topics, I realise that I'm graduating in like 60 seconds. Well not that fast but I'm basically done. One exam on the 11th of May and I'm totally done. And the exam on the 11th of May isn't even a really tough one. Microeconomics. Heh. Hello A Level Economics. Hello easy C. In case you f**kers that's what I'm getting you're dead wrong. I drink alcohol in class, do my weekly wordly reading (FHM, Stuff, Maxim, Harvard International Review, Foreign Policy, the Economist)(truth!), and play games on my super laptop (also called a notepad, the PAPER KIND you tech nerds). And I'm still in line for a B or B+ [hi mom. getting your money's worth]. Heh. Mr. Slacker that's what I should be.

Hmmm... So if i cite you on my site and you get like a spike of 3 (hello my loyal slaves... I mean readers) I guess you've been slackered. Heh... or post-mastered... or bunnied... or rabbited.., burrowed... or moderned... Hmmm...

So what music do I listen to? Some folks have been wondering, and the answer is Jazz, Techno, Trance, Classical, Opera, 70s Rock, Swing and the sound my fart makes on the chair. Yup, all great. Especially the last one. I mean some of the greatest most moving music ever. :P

Hokay... I got to go and watch more ripped or rented movies. What else is a guy to do in the middle of everyone else's busiest weeks? I just have to go entertain myself. Maybe I'll wonder around with my camera and snap pictures of random shit, like people bathing, f**king, driving, dancing, eating, yelling at me, running after me, beating me and so on... That would be fun... Keep me posted folks. Send me your lovely comments. And most importantly ADORE me...

P.S. I miss Vamp jie... she always adored me (lies!)... sob sob...

Tuesday, April 26, 2005

Dungeons and Dragons

Too much time on my hands eh. I decided to IM the Misguided Oracle and give him a telling to, this is how the convo evolved...

Me(12:58:05 PM): got your comment...funny
Oracle (12:58:58 PM): heh
O (12:59:06 PM): forgot what i wrote....
Me(12:59:10 PM): i'll try to get autopsy pics
O (12:59:10 PM): oh yeah.. drunken autopsy
O (12:59:13 PM): lol
O (12:59:21 PM): drunken too i might add
Me (12:59:51 PM): if you do a google image search a picture actually comes up
O (1:00:51 PM): yeah, but no drunken autopsy
Me (1:01:11 PM): ha ha
Me (1:01:38 PM): do a google image search on drunken autopsy
Me (1:01:42 PM): it's funny though
O (1:01:53 PM): +drunken +autopsygets me only 1 pic
Me(1:02:01 PM): yup
Me (1:02:10 PM): it's funny that there even is one pic
O (1:02:13 PM): lol
O (1:03:17 PM): so i leave it unto you to furnish more pics on google via the numerous binge drinking parties within easy access to you
Me (1:03:32 PM): ha ha
Me (1:03:35 PM): not right now
Me (1:03:38 PM): maybe after summer
Me (1:03:45 PM): i hear DC girls are hotter
Me (1:03:52 PM): and hopefully more loose
O (1:04:07 PM): hahaha
O (1:04:18 PM): make sure you have your french cap on
O (1:04:32 PM): who knows where they've been
Me (1:04:44 PM): ha ha
Me (1:04:46 PM): yeah
Me (1:04:50 PM): all those lovely interns
Me (1:05:10 PM): hahah
Me (1:06:57 PM): we'll see
O (1:07:10 PM): lol
Me (1:07:13 PM): how many congressmen can we frame for a disappearance of interns
O (1:07:32 PM): only dissapperance?
O (1:07:43 PM): why not other depraved crimes?
Me (1:07:56 PM): ha ha
Me (1:07:58 PM): we'll see
O (1:08:03 PM): eg, tunnel under their houses and construct a secret dungeon
Me (1:08:06 PM): let me think about this
O (1:08:32 PM): then kidnap their interns and chain them in there... take lots of polaroid shots and scatter them around the secret basement dungeon
O (1:08:57 PM): then tip off the cops... then tip off michael moore to do a spin on it
O (1:09:02 PM): fun fun fun
O (1:09:15 PM): esp the kidnap bit
Me (1:09:32 PM): erm..
Me (1:09:39 PM): i dunno about the whole building thing
Me (1:09:42 PM): great idea
Me (1:09:46 PM): but building a dungeon
Me (1:09:59 PM): are you mad? I don't have the time
O (1:10:11 PM): ok... mini dungeon under the basement
Me (1:10:20 PM): i dun have the time
O (1:10:22 PM): just a 3x3x1.5m room
O (1:10:28 PM): go train an army of moles
Me(1:10:31 PM): and where the fuck am i going to get a dragon?

So there I mentioned dragon. You happy now. Finally one of my stories has dragon in it.

Sandralicious

So I've been bumping around the net and I came upon this site. Good choice of music and I love the pink (lies!). I am sure she has been browned (doesn't that sound like you got shat on, I hope that never happens, no cleveland steamers for me) or miyagi-ed (sounds kinda dirty, like he jizz all over you or something, good god, I have to definetely avoid that one, i'm just not into bukake). Good music. Funny attitude. I like. So I recommend. GO THERE NOW!

Monday, April 25, 2005

My Gods


DSC00676
Originally uploaded by gavjosh.

So other folks have all these idols on their walls, so this is mine. I hope you enjoy the tour of my room. Yeah Buddy!

Wa Si Hokkien Lang

Wa Si Hokkien Lang

This is some good shit man. Not from the little patch of grass some of us call home, but from the big northern grasspatch across the little concrete bridge. It's funny. I like this guy. By the way, I'm Teochew, not Hokkien so it takes me a little longer to understand what they're saying, but all in the Minan sub-linguistic group. As opposed to those damn cantonese (yue sub-linguistic group). Nothing good comes out of Guangdong. I kid I kid. (lies!) Hmmm... I wonder why I'm posting this here. Well I guess so I won't forget its URL. Why don't I bookmark it? I don't f**king know? Why the f**k do you have a brain? Why do u still keep breathing? Who the f**k are you and why are you still here?

A horse, a horse, my burrow for a horse

So the weather up here has been shitty all weekend and it's going to stay shitty until next weekend. Which is W.I.L.D weekend. It used to be Walk In, Lay Down, where they screened movies at the big quad. But really it was just an excuse for everyone to get drunk and high. Then some bright-eyed little f**kwit decided they'd bring in bands. This of course required more money and so now like half my student activities fees goes to the damn thing. MOVIES BIATCHES! TO make it worst now that my school is like top 15 university in America (who does that damn ranking thing anyway?) and that we're always better than Brown (not Mr.Brown, can u say shit infested Ivy school)[hi mom. aren't u glad I didn't go there] we needed to cut down the alcohol. So when I was a frosh we could register kegs and all that. Now as a senior I can bring in 6 cans of beer between 4 and 6pm. WTF?!? Walk In, Lay Down my shiny white tail. More like Walk In, Get Free Food, Decide Band is Shitty, Pick up Freshmea..men (ahem!), Go Back to Room, Get Drunk, Go to Bed, Wake Up, Realise You Slept with a Swamp Donkey or WIGFFDBISPUFGBTRGDGTBWRYSWASD. Or if you're like me, stay at home or head down the road to Saint Louis University. Where the real party at!

What is a swamp donkey you say? My friends at Google Images came up with a few suggestions. Here's one, one more and here's another. You decide. I do believe it was coined some time back amongst my friends and it all originated from the term Salad Dodger. Enough said. Use your imaginations {go on, it won't hurt your brain too much}.

So I actually have fans I do not actually know. That's creepy. I don't even know how Mr. Old Cheena Perv got to know about my site. This is scary. Later they mobilise their forces and try to invade my little home. Last thing I want is the Xiaxue zombies (psychophants if you prefer) invading my home. Then I have to get all Shaun of the Dead on them. Good thing I do play cricket (the ball game not the dart game). Although if you think about it, darts could come in handy. I really want to be your friends... honest.. come a little closer (ed: erm... why are you holding that bat in your hand). It's nice to know that people actually bother to read my drivel. One Malaysian reader thought that it reminded him of the Matrix. F**K the MATRIX. That was one of those bullshit movies. Wasted my time. Tell me something I don't already know you philosophical hacks. The whole stupid convo between Neo and the Architect was retarded. Of course if you belong to a certain group (say the poseur subculture) then you'll rave on and on about how great the philosophical implication are. F**k you. Just open your eyes and live in the world. You see it everyday. We construct our own false realities. We like to see ourselves through our own eyes. It takes a very special few to place themselves outside of their own constructs. And even then not all the time...

Follow the White Rabbit eh... Well remember that he leads you to Wonderland. Not the best of places since it always leaves you wondering. Ever ask yourself what all the characters do before Alice arrives? Do they live their mundane lives anticipating the day (I watched a play by my then girlfriend debating on this), a bit like Waiting for Godot or do they not give two shits about that silly little girl. Seriously this little bunny doesn't give a shit about Alice or anyone else. I want to go about living my pathetic little life until the end of my days. I'm not anti-social but I do hate mamby-pamby bullcrap. If we bounce together, then you got to take me for me. And I do not spend my life holding my breath waiting for that ONE to come bounding along. I'm a rabbit and I'm going to breed like one.

Wow. Look at how long I've gone on and on about nothing. ABSOLUTELY NOTHING! I need to get more work done on my Turkish paper. Yeah got to love the Turkeys. I mean Turks. What an interesting nation. I love it. Ok until we meet again. Yeah Buddy!

Insane in the Membrane


Scary picture isn't it. Stupid smiley face. Take that Biatch! Happy Happy Joy Joy Posted by Hello

Sunday, April 24, 2005

Bin 488

So this was a fun weekend. My old roommate showed up in town this weekend after a 5 hour drive with another old buddy of mine. It was a pretty wild weekend. We had tons of yummy goodness and last night we did a pub crawl. Super exciting. Ended up at my fav place Churchill's (see earlier posts bitches) and the owner was showing me how he Fed Ex his car from Florida back here. It was amazing. Never seen a f**king car being loaded into a Fed Ex Truck. AMAZING! Plus he was getting a new Ferrari F340. Only 19,000 made and he gets one. The back looks like the Ferrari enzo and has 100 more hp than the F260. The F340 is a beaut. Wish this little bunny cold afford one. Instead I own a 4runner. Yeah I wish I did have the connections and the money to get myself one of these limited ed cars.

Switched up my listening, moved from Jazz to Trance. Oh yeah baby... You know how that is. Need a little music to keep me sane (ed: i do believe he is going insane). My vamp jie has gone to bang cock for some fun, and so I'm left all alone by my lonesome. No one to take care of this little bunny. And now I've gone and soiled my home. F**king A! (ed: this did not happen) (lies!) I need some carrots (in fact I hate those orange pieces of shit).

Anyway I just thought I should post some random shit otherwise everyone would think I'm dead and I don't want people missing me. I tell you what I miss though. Home food. Yeah... Like my mum's chicken curry or my grandma's chicken curry (i actually hate the chicken) (truth!). Man I love dunking my bread in and just eating that delicious curry. None of that Chinese curry shit or that even shittier Japanese curry. Good real Southeast Asian curry. Oh yeah baby...

Talking about Japan and China. What's up with that. And why the f**k is our tiny little piece of crap getting involved in the spat? The Japanese won't say sorry, then go over there and bitch slap them like the $10 whores that they are lah! Why even bother talking so much? Just go outside and settle lah. Shaolin versus Samurai. That's the way baby. Like weeee-men you know. Always bitching. To quote one of the beloved folk who live nearby: "Dun be bitchy hunny!" Yeah be like real bunnies and have at it. Pistols at dawn baby... Oh behave!

Also I think the Chingapore blogadoodang is focused on like some shit about some poor fellah getting action against him. Poor brudder. Too bad this bunny can't help. With the shit I'm spewing I might get arrested sooner or later [hi mom. i try to stay out of trouble] (lies!). Man my buddies are coming to visit my Chingapore. Dunno what to do with them. See how many of them I can get arrested... Now wouldn't that be fun. Over to your right is the prison. To your left is the bus stop you will not get to use until your 20 year sentence is up. Take that biatch!

So anyway I've been f**king playful with my cursh lately leaving her random like playful messages and SMS. And she calls last night and says:"I'm busy this week, but we have to talk." Yeah I know we have to talk. You take me way too seriously. I told you how I felt and now that I got that out of my system (kinda like shitting, love is like shitting)(truth!)(ed:agreed), I can return her to her regualrly scheduled bunny. I mean I do like hanging out with her. But starting shit with like 3 weeks to go. You got to be kidding me. I worry though that it might be a "good" talk. You know the "let's start something" shit. Then this little bunny is stuck between a pile of shit and an even bigger pile of shit. Someone is going to hurt someone in the long run. So I'm hoping it's a "bad" talk. Then at least I can be like: "exactly my idea. Whew. Thank god we got that clear." I hate pussy-footing it. We need to be straight shooters (no offense to my gay readers, this is with regards to dealing with people on an everyday basis, not sexual preference). The one thing I hate about the human mating ritual is that it's f**ked up. I mean all that intricate footwork and the leading on and all that bullshit. Seriously. If you want it just go take it. If it fights back then f**king let it go. Jeez... Not the end of the world. There are other shitty women out there. The problem with women is their big fucking ego. they think just because some guy tells them he likes them, he has to be like chasing her every time he calls her to hang out with him and his buddies. We're hanging with my buddies. If i was wooing you why would I bring all my guy buddies out along for the ride? Mass orgy? Jeez! F**king ego. that's the one thing I hate about women. Fairer sex my shinny white tail. And then they say we have an ego. What's up with that shit. At least we're honest about it. Lousy biatches!

About ready to officially give up on women. Seriously... [hi mom. sorry but blame your own sex](ed:...) If I called my guy friends and left a message on their phone saying like: "hey do you miss me? If you miss me enough give me a call and ask me out on a date saturday." they would laugh, or call and say:"erm... I don't swing that way" A girl gets it and like her damn thought process is like:"man this guy likes me, i think he's cool but I don't want to lead him on. guess i should call him and tell him we need to talk. let him down gently" Just say it over the damn phone baby. Anyway I'll keep you little f**kers updated as to the result of the talk. Ooooo.. I'm looking forward to deflating her damn ego.

Ok got to go and finish my barrel of wine. Talk to you f**kers later. Yeah Buddy!

Friday, April 22, 2005

Two cats on a hot tin roof with a fiddler

Hello my little pets. Anyway last night I learnt that drinking half a bottle of 80proof (40% Alch.) blended scotch is not the smartest thing to do. Got so f**king drunk. It was kind of funny. I actually felt good. With the inhibitions down, the nice side of me got to take a back seat while I took the driver's seat of this beautiful body. I remembered i sent off a "do u miss me?" SMS to my crush. Ha ha... Think I'll ask her out to the Singapore Students' Association's Senior Farewell, which is tonight. See if she really misses this sex god. I also remember proposing to my Vampy jie. Ha ha... I mean it baby... If you get tired of all those men, you know you can always come to me as a safe harbor. Let's call it a marriage of convenience. I need a wife and well... I dun quite know what you need, so... F**k it! Just call it a marriage of my convenience! [hi mom. I try](ed: I worry for him. He might actually be gay or worse...)(fuckers!)

Being sort of drunk is funny even for the drunk person. Considering I could still type quite well. I mean real well. Vamp will attest to my ability to form coherent sentences. I also remember asking her to go on holiday with me. Ha ha... That offer also still stands. I could use some slightly expired arm candy... (I kid about the slightly expired part)(ed: honest. he likes older women, and younger women and women i suppose) [hi mom. dun say i dun give everyone a chance] (idiots!)

I also remember sending an IM (instant message for all you non-tech saavy out there) to my friend who is prez of the organisation about bad karma. He called me this morning asking what it was all about. I explained and well heh... BAD KARMA baby. What goes around comes around. It's like STDs, which sort of leads me to the next point. The whole AIDS issue in Singapore. I mean seriously not only gays spread AIDS, or more correctly the HIV virus, I mean straight men and women do it too. I mean cats also spread FIV which is actually quite close to HIV. (see my titles are not random) I knew those bastard cats were up to something. With their promicuous natures... Those evil cats. I say we cull them all since they spread FIV. Might as well... Also cull all the HIV carriers. Dun care if they are straight or gay, just cull them. I mean we put lepers on an island, why not HIV positive folk? Dun come crying to me about Human Rights and all that bullshit. Those f**kers excercised their human right to have unprotected sex with multiple partners they should also have to experience the results of that excercise of a right. It's called RESPONSIBILITY for one's OWN ACTIONS. Bad Karma babies... Bad Karma...

Talking about blogging Steve-o MaccieDermosthat decided to weigh in on how infantile we all are. And individualism is also infantile. Heh... I agree... I am a big f**king baby. Listen to me. Glorify me. Come to me all you little whores. (ed: megalomania... sigh...) So of course the grand daddies of Chingapore's bloggydoodad mr brownies and mr oriental old chikopek and plenty of other of their associates have decided to respond in the only way infants can. With more comedy. Keep on rocking you old f**kers. As for me... I'm thinking of an undignified response to the whole situation and I've decided there is no need... Enough said, enough done. I'm just going to go pick up my two cats, who should be cooked by now, and leave the fiddler there.

Until we meet again Professor Moriarty, know that you die falling down a cliff... Yeah Buddy!

Thursday, April 21, 2005

Jalapenos

F**kgitty f**k f**k F**kgitty f**k f**k F**kgitty f**k f**k F**kgitty f**k f**k F**kgitty f**k f**k F**kgitty f**k f**k F**kgitty f**k f**k F**kgitty f**k f**k F**kgitty f**k f**k F**kgitty f**k f**k F**kgitty f**k f**k F**kgitty f**k f**k F**kgitty f**k f**k F**kgitty f**k f**k F**kgitty f**k f**k F**kgitty f**k f**k F**kgitty f**k f**k F**kgitty f**k f**k F**kgitty f**k f**k F**kgitty f**k f**k F**kgitty f**k f**k F**kgitty f**k f**k F**kgitty f**k f**k F**kgitty f**k f**k F**kgitty f**k f**k F**kgitty f**k f**k F**kgitty f**k f**k F**kgitty f**k f**k F**kgitty f**k f**k F**kgitty f**k f**k F**kgitty f**k f**k F**kgitty f**k f**k F**kgitty f**k f**k F**kgitty f**k f**k F**kgitty f**k f**k Tommorow F**kgitty f**k f**k F**kgitty f**k f**k F**kgitty f**k f**k F**kgitty f**k f**k F**kgitty f**k f**kF**kgitty f**k f**k F**kgitty f**k f**k F**kgitty f**k f**k F**kgitty f**k f**k F**kgitty f**k f**k F**kgitty f**k f**k F**kgitty f**k f**k F**kgitty f**k f**k F**kgitty f**k f**k F**kgitty f**k f**kF**kgitty f**k f**k F**kgitty f**k f**k F**kgitty f**k f**k F**kgitty f**k f**k F**kgitty f**k f**k F**kgitty f**k f**k F**kgitty f**k f**k F**kgitty f**k f**k F**kgitty f**k f**k F**kgitty f**k f**kF**kgitty f**k f**k F**kgitty f**k f**k F**kgitty f**k f**k F**kgitty f**k f**k F**kgitty f**k f**k F**kgitty f**k f**k F**kgitty f**k f**k F**kgitty f**k f**k F**kgitty f**k f**k F**kgitty f**k f**kF**kgitty f**k f**k F**kgitty f**k f**k F**kgitty f**k f**k F**kgitty f**k f**k F**kgitty f**k f**k F**kgitty f**k f**k F**kgitty f**k f**k F**kgitty f**k f**k F**kgitty f**k f**k F**kgitty f**k f**k kF**kgitty f**k f**k F**kgitty f**k f**k F**kgitty f**k f**k F**kgitty f**k f**k F**kgitty f**k f**k F**kgitty f**k f**k F**kgitty f**k f**k F**kgitty f**k f**k F**kgitty f**k f**k F**kgitty f**k f**kF**kgitty f**k f**k F**kgitty f**k f**k F**kgitty f**k f**k F**kgitty f**k f**k F**kgitty f**k f**k F**kgitty f**k f**k F**kgitty f**k f**k F**kgitty f**k f**k F**kgitty f**k f**k F**kgitty f**k f**kF**kgitty f**k f**k F**kgitty f**k f**k F**kgitty f**k f**k F**kgitty f**k f**k F**kgitty f**k f**k F**kgitty f**k f**k F**kgitty f**k f**k F**kgitty f**k f**k F**kgitty f**k f**k F**kgitty f**k f**kF**kgitty f**k f**k F**kgitty f**k f**k F**kgitty f**k f**k F**kgitty f**k f**k F**kgitty f**k f**k F**kgitty f**k f**k F**kgitty f**k f**k F**kgitty f**k f**k F**kgitty f**k f**k F**kgitty f**k f**k

Just though you f**kers would like this

Wednesday, April 20, 2005

Sacrifice to the Sun God

So I've been meaning to talk about this for a long time, but the good part of me keeps restraining me, but now I think I want to talk about it...

Some time ago I quit an organisation I worked with for a long time (3 years) over the a matter of principles (yup. even crazy little me has principles) (truth!). I worked for this organisation for so long and I was disgusted by how it reacted to a moral issue. (that's moral and not morale for you uneducated bunnies out there) [hi mom. you brought me up well]. Anyway in my anger (yeah don't fuck with this rabbit otherwise i'll slit your throat), I told them basically to f**k off and go put their heads where the sun don't shine (their arse for those of you who are less literate in bunny-speak). Many of them who had known me for a long time respected my decision and thought back to my long record of service. Others were very ungrateful and a young pup (just joined less than a week) told me that I had no right to talk about the organisation. The audacity of that jerk. Stupid commie jew (I have nothing against jews, but commie jews totally different story). Anyway things have blown over in that direction. Oh wait... the guy who was at the center of all this got elected VP and had it in his mind to smear me. Of course much smarter minds convinced him that it would hurt him more than me. It also put him in bad light with the Prez who is a good friend of mine. Good luck for the next year.

Anyway the organisation always took part in a carnival where it had won Best Food (like best in show for food instead of dogs)(ed: i don't even know why he said that) the past like 4 times and they were trying for 5. Well guess what? The BBQ lost to the Drinks. The Joint Class Council beat them out. Ha! Ha! Talk about retribution. Bad Karma man. What goes around comes around! Take that biatches! I feel justified and cleared of any doubt I had about my actions. Even the great bunny god above agrees with me. Little f**kers! Hell in a handbasket babies, can you spell that.

So talking 'bout bunny god, we have a new papa. Ratzinger. Well Benedict XVI. Heh... Benedict. Oh well, everyone's like frightened he's some nutjob, but seriously he's been John Paul II's chief theologian since JP2 became pope. So don't you think alot of what has been said in the last 2 and 1/2 decades are also partly his. So the ship full of sinners continues to sail on... Heh... This bunny included...

So anyway, no news on the crush front. I've just decided to wait until she calls. Yeah! Making her the lead on this. Sick and tired of not getting calls returned wondering if I've been disturbing her or she's mad at me. F**k that shit! This bunny has a paper to write on the Turkish army due in a week. Yeah. I know, but after writing 100pages of heartwrenching work, it's hard to squeeze more shit out of this dried up little bunny. Come to think about it, that's how I feel about love too. I've been sent through the wash and dryer, and there's just not much left right now to squeeze out. Or so I thought... It amazes me how much the bunny soul has to give and give and give and also take no doubt. I'm sure humans are just the same. So which path should this little wabbit pick? To give and give or take and take. Or just a little give and take? Who the f**k cares or knows?

Ok back to your ordinary lives while I live my less than mundane life. Check all of you out later. Yeah Buddy!

Tuesday, April 19, 2005

The Precieved Recieved

Hello my faithless readers. You never leave comments and you never send me sexy messages. It's almost like talking to myself you tiny little biatches! I command you ADORE and LOVE me. Send me loads of shit. Flowers, chocolates, adorations...

I watched many movies in the past few weeks, but yesterday I saw I Heart Huckabees and Connie & Carla. Both good movies in their own freaking right. I Y Huckabess was such a good movie because it explains existentialism and nihilism. I realised I have been wrestling with this idea for a long time. Are we all connected like some big blanket and nothing is different from anything else? Or are we connected but nothing matters, all there is in life is suffering and pain? I suppose in the end we are connected by pain and suffering, by joy and delight. It is so wonderful, this thing called life.

Connie & Carla is sort of heartwarming. It also is a somewhat gay film, so I suppose the Singapore censors may have had a go at it. But it really is a story about who someone is. Who are we? Why are there social norms that we must obey? This social contract with society, how is it that society ends up controlling us if we're equal partners in this contract? Hmmm... Does anything matter? All hard questions which this little bunny doesn't quite care for right now. Right now this bunny is contemplating interconnectedness on another level...[hi mom.]

Met my crush last night to hand over some stuff to her. OMG. Even when she's sick and full of tiredness she still tugged at my heart strings. I hate love, I really do. It makes suckers of us. I've been kicked around so badly by love in the past that I don't think I really want to taste that false wine [hi mom. I'll try to get married] (lies!). The past few days have been where I try to medidate and discern the source of this evil feelings. Is it companionship because I am lonely? Is it something that links us together? Fate? Destiny? But we are creators of our own destiny. Lust? I haven't had sex in a long while [hi mom. I'm a good boy] (lies!). I'm craving the sweet, but false, taste of love? The thrill of the chase? All these things really bug me. Makes me think hard about myself. You see folks this is the darker side of me, the more honest, more forthcoming side. But this is also the manipulative, childish and attention-seeking side. This is the dark side. The bright side of me is this staid, conventional, mature piece of shit. Yeah you heard me, he's a turd. Filial eldest son. Good brother. Loyal friend. Honest person. All-round good guy. He's a piece of shit if you ask me. Nothing there but duty and honour. No maliciousness in his bone. Not me, no siree. I have every intent of evil in my bones. All you sick and stupid human beings are meant to be manipulated by me. Toyed by me. Let me use your emotions to control you. Stupid biatches! (ed: erm... the author is beginning to scare me, considering he's taking over more and more of my life).

But this love thing has both me and my pansy assed good side agreeing to compromise. Love the higher ideal my arse, but still I do not think if I were true to this form all the time it would last for too long. There must be balance I suppose. Same with existentialism and nihilism, there must be balance between the two. Otherwise we become a bunch of f**king hippies or terrorists. Life must come from balance, but it sucks having to share it with that duty bound sucker. He's too nice to the damn girl. I want to come right out and say it, but he wants to play by the rules of courtship. The little prick!

Anyway I have to go and get my tummy filled. Have a fun fun day. Remember to spread outright honesty and brtual truth to the world. Be like Alexander the Great and cut through the Gordian Knot of the crap of societal conventions. Don't be nice, be true.

Monday, April 18, 2005

The pre-occupation

Gotteinhimel! God Damn it! It's really bugging me... I mean I can't go to sleep. This is f**king irritating. It's getting worst by the minute. I f**king hate this feeling. I'm beginning to hate the whole mating ritual. I mean seriously... This really bites...

Anyway I went on a long walk with a friend today who was slightly drunk. He kept bugging me to unleash my dark side on the world.[hi mom. I'm a good boy](lies!) It's not like I have a mental problem or anything (lies!) My Sis also was worried that I was going crazy or that something's wrong. Same with another friend... People are worried that what I type here is not me, but something else altogether. To be perfectly honest, everything here really is me. This is the me that gets all cramped up inside by honour, duty and what convention dictates.

I hate this feeling... this crush... really being crushed by its immense weight. It's also f**king preventing my total conversion into this person that you read and love (you better all LOVE and WORSHIP me). Lousy vestiages of a previous life... The conversion should not be impeded... I've really doubted the idea of love... I think it's sort of wound up in all sorts of crap. Love is simple, none of that bullshit and love has nothing to do with the feeling of being in love [hi mom. i love you in spite of being such a nag]. That's why crushes suck, because there's that damnable feeling. Love as a feeling has done jackshit for me, so that's why I'm declaring war on Cupid. Take that biatch! F**king pussy wearing diapers and shooting arrows. If you're man enough come take me on man to man. Unarmed combat... How about that you little whore... bastard child...

So there, take that... Trying to get to sleep... F**king A...

It's just a little Crush

Yeah folks... For once I guess you're going to see the softer side of this little bunny (you all know you want to make it hard again). I think I have a crush... Yah... this is such a horrible feeling... I mean it's like happy and torturous.

Well this bunny is not going to stand for it... I'm going to go out back and kill this f**king crush. I mean a crush is like the most evil thing on Earth next to me... It makes your heart pound and palms sweat... It's like being sick yeah.... Why the f**k do you wait by the phone for someone to call you? Or if you're a guy why the hell do you keep calling someone who you're not sure if they appreciate your call? I mean she seldom calls back and we only have like 2 weeks of school left. After which we disappear forever...into the sunset or whatever...

A crush cramps this little rabbit's style! I mean it makes me all soft and mushy man... I am NOT F**KING SOFT! I'll be damned if I'm going to go soft on all you biatches out there... This fake love will not rule my f**king life (oh yeah baby). Man I am getting soft, running out of insults for you folks...

Anyway back to my boring life... watched Coffee and Cigarettes and the Incredibles... talk about a contast in film schooling. The incredibles had a great storyline and was entertaining but C&C was great... It was so true about human relations... heh... people are exactly like that. If you haven't seen it I STRONGLY recommend you watch it!

That's all folks... I'm tired of typing for now. Have fun.

Sunday, April 17, 2005

Hot Cross Bunnies

This time folks I have a real interview for you. Not some made up shit in the brain. This was an actual conversation and interview, so all the responses were unpredictable (actually talking to myself can also yield unpredictable results) (ed: true that). Well enjoy you vouyers:

Me: so why don't you introduce yourself

Puppet: I am the man from the moon.... as what my profs called me since I am always looked as if I am way distant....heh

Me: interesting... so how is the weather on the moon?

Puppet: pretty much cool as bananas... cos bananas grew from there and somehow, dunno which predeccessor of mine brought it to earth and it became green, then yellow when ripe after that

Me: i see... we learn something new everyday, so what's your day job

Puppet: apart from being a professional day bummer, I have a sideline as a petiton... to the far away galactic council to veto the vote ---not to demolish earth to make way for the new galactic highway, althought I can enlist the new Sith lords that gain in power from the republication to create the death star as a protective anti-missile

Me: ha ha, very interesting job... so why don't we talk about your life philosophy. What are your beliefs?

Puppet says: well, think life is about getting laid... hmm... no... having a good time in cross-examining ourselves with others so to determine our most matched partner... hey, how go the favorite one-night stands syndrome.... promiscuous relationship gives us more option to determine a partner...

Me: i see... again very enlightening beliefs... ok on to a more important question... Who's your daddy? And what does he do?

Puppet: I thought I am the daddy?.... Oops... think wrong frequency... well., my dad came from Plato, friend of plato, and live on plato. Well, u see, my dad helps to provide asylum for Plato during those days when people reject philosophical approach and enjoyed debauchery activities.. so got an star named after him... wanted to bring him back to earth but since earth is on the brink of destruction - i trying my best to let them destroy those pesky martians - make a detour or something... so in the meanwhile... retired and playing chess with Plato..in Plato. btw, Pluto is Plato but cos don't want the Garmen (government) to know so change one letter on it..

Me:
I see... interesting... i didn't know you came from such a humanitarian a family. anyway... as u know i'm a rabbit, so of course i f**k like one. how often do u do the dirty?


Puppet: nay... we got permit to search for planets around.... f**king lisense took eons to get approved... but since outside earth no red-tape... so screw the pple in charge back here on earth...

Me: i see i see

Puppet: everyday man... ink from my pen keep dripping like mad... change pen, put protective cover also no use... the smooth paper just keeps getting layered by my carelessness but i do make up for waxing abit of lyrical on it... let it feel good and then give it a bit of unevenness for artistic effect

Me: well... i guess we should move on to your preferences: man, women or animals? Inanimate objects are out, becuase i believe in animate sex

Puppet: nowdays the mind can be controlled so we usually (the galactics favorite preferences) are the director approach. Like the Matrix.. but galactic technology goes beyond that long time.... (we were all laughing at the obselete ideas movies came out these days...) anyway, to continue, we virtual direct scenes and put in stores in dvds... then rent models to do the stuff which whoever wants to do with who... and then pple came in and contribute and the exponential growth of this business is better than porn on the internet here on earth... We do with anythign,,,anyway, humans ain't the best looking around in the galactic... those at hummer-ner-hummer are way exotic and sexy looking

Me: i see i see... well good to know that you and i agree humans are ugly, that's why i stick to my bunnies. so talking about movies, are there many political movies out there?

Puppet: nay, we don't have time to do those stuffs... much to busy blowing off a couple of planets, make a few big bangs and play hide n seek in black holes... we sent scouts to get in contact with humans and spin off variety tv shows like those u see in the white house speeches... those we help the dummy president and controlled him to speak like that, then see what the reaction is from the crowd and edit and so on and so forth... then we put in a couple of nukes here and there for effects so to get color rainbows once in a while

Me: but u do have politics out there?

Puppet: yea, that's the big boys out there, ousting for galactic controls... but after a few big bangs and send all those who buay song (not happy) to the abyss (the dimension portal) aka top secret (but leak abit) and sent those unhappy to other dimensions and create new lifes.... yea... warload control but since galaxy so big there is not really the warlords can do much... everyone has his/her/it disposable abyss pack... buy 2 get 1 free in each spacecraft...

Me: i see... does this lack of invlovement smack of cynicism with the glactic order or are people just busy with other stuff?

Puppet: yea... busy man... everyday new plans to make the galaxy a amusement comes out... cos too big lah.... knn boring so warloads are mainly corporation just trying to brand themselevs as the most fun place in galaxy... if not its just stars and rocks... we see too much sunrise,sunset with 1 min that its takes the thrill of spectacle away

Me: I see... so basically people are busy. It sounds like life out there is nothing like life in my modern burrow. well i have nothing else to ask, but do you have any last words to say to the audience?

Puppet: same same lah... everyware is dark dark.... well, u guys pray earth is not gone, cos we have the hitchhiker guide novel as a guide to your to get ready for the upcoming events... and the movie shows clips of what's out there... head for the moon if your want a social pass to the galaxy... tata

Me: well thank you and goodnight

Puppet: gtg..z...z.. busy with the petition... cya around. nite!


There you have it folks, and exclusive interview (which is not made up)(truth!) with a good friend of mine. I hope u acutally enjoy it (or understand it for you dumb f**ks out there)(ed: the author does not mind a dumb f**k). If you don't like it you can go suck my cute little bunny tail and i'm not talking about the bushy one. Yeah Buddy!

Midnight Cowpie

It's 12am, do you know where your balls are?
No? That's too bad, go check. For all you ladies out there who have something smart to say you might want to take that cock out of your mouth first (ed: he's really not that mean and he adores all women).

So anyway today I got a phone call that went something like this:

B: Hey Me. What's up?
Me: I just got out of conference what's up.
B: Is JK with you?
Me: Huh?
B: JK's roommate is looking for her and she asked me to call you to ask if she's with you.
Me: Erm... I've been in conference all day and JK's with her parents.
B: (laughter in the backgournd) oh ok. Bye.
Me: Later.

That's some wierd shit... Anyway...

So I've decided to do an interview, it seems to be all the rage amongst folks, especially Cowboy Caleb, so here's an exclusive interview with someone you all love:

Me: Hello Ed. I think the audience would really like to get to know you better.
Editor: Thanks. Just doing my job you know.
Me: Yeah you do a mighty fine job, biatch! (ed: he really loves me)
Ed: Thank you. So what do you want to know about me?
Me: So what is your day job?
Ed: I'm a student. Just like you.
Me: Really? That's interesting. you seem far more educated than your typical college educated whore. Me included.
Ed: Erm... Thanks I guess...
Me: So what do you like?
Ed: Erm... specify.
Me: you know men, women, or animals?
Ed: I would prefer not to answer that.
Me: Ok. So what are your hobbies?
Ed: Reading. Watching TV. Listening to music.
Me: Sounds like my hobbies. Have you been cribbing my notes you slut?
Ed: No.
Me: Talking about sluts, for the benefit of our audience are you male or female?
Ed: Male.
Me: How much do you make editing this crap?
Ed: Erm... I do it for free.
Me: So you're into BDSM? All this masochistic work.
Ed: no not really. I just do it because you ask me to.
Me: So if I asked you to, you'd suck cock for $5?
Ed: No, not really.
Me: How about $10?
Ed: moving on...
Me: Ok. Expensive little biatch. So... Hmmmm... I guess I'm out of questions. Any last words for the interview?
Ed: Erm... Nothing. I just enjoy working with you very much on this blog.
Me: Thank you. Well that's it folks. Goodnight.

(ed: This was entirely made up of course. This was a monologue. If you thought otherwise then you're in for a shock.)

All righty... that's it all you lovely people, until the next time, go easy on the cock sucking and may the farce be with you.

Saturday, April 16, 2005

O What a Day!

Wow! That was an amzing day, the morning panel (my panel bitch!) got lumped together so instead of 3 panelists we had 6... That was one long ass session. I even had to go first. Oh but the afternoon session, that was some sexy panel... I'd do them all except for I knew 2/3 of it (that's 2 for you non-math majors). Oh well one out of three is not bad at all baby...

Hit it off with this girl from Northwestern... She's going off to work at some NGO next year... Heh... American's for Democracy or something... You can demo my cracy anytime American lady (ed: the author really respects democracy and women) (lies!)... Today was some whirlwind tour of colonialism. I mean it was amazing, feel like a true academian. Some more after this I get to go to a dinner and like pretend to engage in intellectual banter. Saw my major advisor today, who I've never really seen at all since he's such a big flirt. And a such a charming man... if he was gay... mmm... student-teacher relationship (ed: the author is really straight. That's my story and he's sticking to it). My thesis director was there too, and he's been really friendly. Especially now that we're done. More like mentor-mentee than student-teacher. I'll never forget that shit... Heh... Like the Cheena-piang say: "teacher for a day, father for life. Biatch!" (ed: biatch should be taken out, sorry, bad translation) [hi mom. years of chinese tuition worked out well].

Talking about Northwestern, I want to go to Chicago for my 3am Iced Venti Soy Chai from the only 24hours Starbucks in the midwest. Talk about a nice cooling drink after wild animal sex (i speak from experience) (ed: he's being honest here...). Talking about Chai, the Singapore government banned it because taken in large quantities it could be a hallucegenic (ed: dun bother with the spelling). I've drank like 4 Venti Chais in a row and I've yet to see anything, oh yeah except that God came and talked to me about killing all the little people (you know who you are) (ed: this did not happen at all). Stupid little people government.

Talking about governments, wait until I come out of modern burrow [hi mom. I keep it clean] and rule all you f**kers out there. Bow before my bunny feet you little whores. (ed: megalomania is a problem).

Ok I got to go a slip into something sexy for tonight... Must look all non-scholarly to show up all those academic types. This rabbit is a salve to the fashion houses... *drool*

Let me leave you with the wisdom of George Bernard Shaw: "A mind the caliber of mine cannot derive its nutriment from cows." Oh yeah Buddy!

OMGWTF

OMG! What the f**k was i talking about last night? I kid I kid, I remember it clearly, but I really feel nervous right now because this little bunny is about to go off and give a talk on his paper. Scary, right? I guess so (ed: He's got butterflies rampaging through his stomach).

Anyway this is f**king scary... Only the second time in my entire life I have presented a paper and this one is far more serious than the other one. Fwah... I'm being inducted into the academian's life... Drinking scotch, presenting papers, writing papers (in no particular order) and sleeping with sexy coed students [Hi mom. Doing my best]. As long as i get tenure I'm safe. Oh yeah baby, tenure is the paydirt. I'm too sexy for my tenure... Take that Biatches!

Oh yeah I heard the little whore Brittney is pregnant. Like we all didn't see that coming. Ooopppsss she did it again and again and again, all night long baby. Little slut.

Ok ok, I've got to run and get dressed and leave my modern burrow to go and get to the place to give my drivel about colonial education. Sometimes I bore me.

Let me live you with some words of advice: "If you f**k around you're bound to get pregnant or make someone pregnant. Take that you Biatch!"

Ciao~

My European Day

So I just got back from one of the craziest day of all. My European day. For all you fools out there who don't know what a European day is, it's my idea that those lazy bastards in Europe sit around and drink all day [hi mom. I'm not a drunkards](lies!).

My day started off at 11am when i woke and bought the scotch like I told all you vouyers last night. For those who haven't read it, where the F**K had you been BIATCH! Damn you for not following my every word (ed: the author really loves all of you) (lies!). Then at 1 I went to the boathouse to get lunch and drink some beer while i prepared for my conference tomorrow. I actually got work done in case you doubting thomases out there don't think I could get work done. I had Schlafly Hefeizen for lunch , 2 actually and then I I had a pizza and some nachos. Oh yeah baby it was a good lunch. Then at 3 I trudged down to my fav wine place, Brennan's, and had myself a bottle of wine. Guess who I met, my ex-girlfriend's neighbour [hi mom. cna't say i didn't try]. So I had to be polite invite them to have some wine and just sat down and talk. It was all humdrum and good. Wish the biatch would sleep with me, heh... but then that would stir up a whole different kettle of fish or wasps or whatever really sucks (use your f**king imagination ok!).

Then at like 5pm my friends from the other university came to hang out, we ate crackers, proscuito (good ham for you uncivilised whores) and gouda (cheese for you non-diary sluts). And more wine. Then more beer, then more wine. Heh... You get the f**king picture. Anyway these really hot older women came by and sat across me so for like 3 hours I was oogling them and their hot friends who kept coming by to sit down. I'd do them in a heartbeat if they weren't wearing those wedding rings. Lousy little biatches (ed: he really doesn't mean that). Anyway...

Then we went to may fav cigar bar and met up with my fav bartender who was going to be a cop. Yeah you should've read about this before you little cunts. If not go read it now or fac me wrath (ed: he really loves you, honest). We even exchanged phone numbers... I mean this girl is hot... like real hot and I'd do her in a heart beat but I might get arrested [hi mom. I've kept a clean slate so far]. Anyway I drank a port while i was there... oh those bastard portugese only good for port and footballers (ed: he really doesn't think that)(oh yes i do!).

Anyway I got to go to be in my uber-chic bed in my uber-modern burrow. Have a freaking good night you lifeless folks and I'll fill you in on my extremely boring life later (ed:he actually has a sex filled life) (lies!). I'll leave you with some words of the wise like I always: "The darkness of your beer on any given day should conform to the darkness of the sky at the standard quitting time of 6pm."

Alkihell count:
4 pints of beer
1 glass of wine
2 bottles of wine by myself
1 glass of port
1 glass of single malt scotch

Friday, April 15, 2005

O What a Night!

Ok Ok. So I already got fan(s) sia! Actually no count... This one a bit old... a bit not fresh... heh... Told you you'll only get abuse here. Thirty is the new Five Hundred man [Hi mom.] (ed: the author's mum isn't that old)... Way too old for me... Like must hang out with Merlin or something now... Lao Gudong (antique for the non-Chinese inclined) section... Yeah Buddy!

So anyway me and some friend ended up at my fav fav cigar lounge... Muahahahahaha... Yes I smoke baby rabbits... I also love my baby humans stir fried (disclaimer: I really don't eat baby humans, I love them... but tortured baby cows, also known as veal, that's a different story)... shaken not stirred mind you... Wok and Roll baby, Wok and Roll!

Ok back to the story of me at a bar, there was this major promo for an "ultimate men's website". The question came up, what's an ultimate men's website, outside of our wet dreams on the net. Heh... Sure flood the net with *ahem* man juice (ed: he means sperms). Talking about wet dreams, why issit you never really quite remember it. And why is it always more satisfying than sex? Well I suppose at least we know we wake up to something we can live with... This one time in band camp...

Sorry... Back to story... So we kept pondering that question, and then we read the flyer (amongst dumber males reading is a sign of weakness). So it's got music and movies and games and models and more... Fwah... Really my wet dream come true man. I mean which man doesn't dream of having sex with a hot model, while listening to Marvin Gaye (let's get it on), playing Halo 2 on Xbox and watching De-Lovely [Hi mom. I love Cole Porter's music not his life style honest] (ed: Actually he's lying, he admitted tonight to several friends he could have a man as a life partner, say goodbye to grandkids)... Erm technical difficulties {at this point the ed and the author go at it with huge pumpkin carving knives}

Ok back to regularly scheduled disjointed shit... So if any girl would like to have sex with me [hi mom. see doing my national duty making babies] (disclaimer: I practise safe sex) while I watch a movie about bi-sexuality, play a violent game and listen to sexy music all while eating my fav chicken ceasar salad, drop me a line at my modern burrow. I'll be there in two shake of a leg.

Talking about national duty.. if you're a singaporean male besides serving NS you need to remember that you're also required to make babies (the army does own our sperm... evil f**kers), and piss (we need NeWater). If only we could piss and make babies and serve NS all at once. Save time... That's the singaporean way. Just imagine... Ok Coporal Rabbit you need to go for your weekly national duty... remember piss first then F**k her and then go back to rifle range.

Yah anyway so the bartender at my fav cigar bar, Maria, is going to the Police Acadamy... Heh now must be careful when she pulls me over... Talking about which, if I were a police officer I would be evil imagine:

me: Hello son. Do you know how fast you were going.
guy: erm how fast was I going?
me: 100km/h on an 80km/h road.
guy:oh... sorry... rough day
me: that's ok. here have some beer. and relax
guy: oh sure. thanks.
me: now I have to arrest you for drunk driving.

muahahahahaha... (ed: Sorry back, had to stitch myself together. The author really isn't that evil, he's sweet and caring and any girl/guy who's interested should marry him. Like RIGHT NOW!) [Hi mom.]

So anyway I've been listening to jazz songs and realising that I have to prepare my paper for a conference. I figure that I'd go early to the conference find a hot female panelist and ask her, "hey we've got 1/2 hour want to go somewhere and f**k first?" Talk about scholarly exchange. (to be honest I am a sincere intellectual) (lies!)

Also I can't get a girl off my mind... You know like a f**king loop that just doesn't go away. It's not like a broken record [hi mom. you know I love you.](lies!), but a good one you know... Just keep thinking of her. Then you wonder if she's thinking of you. Then you realise she might be thinking of another guy. The Biatch! How there she cheat on me even though we're only dating in my head. (ed: The author is not crazy. Honest.)(lies!) So how do you get a woman out of your head? I can only think of chopping my head off, but if any of you sickos out there (since you have no life but to read this drivel) come up with a better idea. DON'T drop me a line. Keep those sick ideas to yourself... pervs! Jeez, is the life of someone you don't know that important? For those who know me then carry on. (ed: he means it). We all know how magnetic a personality I have. I mean i stick to fridges...

Well it's like 3am here in la la land right now... Must go to sleep. Have to go buy scotch for my prof tomorrow. As a present, not like he's an alcholic and I'm running an errand. I am no one's errand boy [hi mom. you're excluded] (ed: we all know who's bitch you want to be, and I'm not talking about your dog). The funny thing is all these girls in my thesis group want to go buy scotch with me. Like they don't know two shits about it. Maybe I'm just to sexy for my scotch... Either that or they're eyeing my modern burrow. Forget it I'm never giving up my burrow (advert: for sale US$100000)

Talking about scotch... I've started drinking it at my economics lectures... heh... Economics is so fun when you can't draw straight lines... Plus it makes all those freshmeat, i mean freshmen look so attractive.(ed: he's kidding. they're still ugly). [Hi mom. I acutally get good grades dun worry].

OK OK boring all you fookers out there. Actually if you've read this far I commend you on your dedication. Because I have said exactly nothing at this point. Zilch. Zero. Nada. (ed: I agree). Wow. you guys really have no life to read so far. So let me leave you with another word of the wise:"I don't eat with my mouth full." Ah... that's a good one... Excuse me while i dream of an "ultimate men's website".

Thursday, April 14, 2005

Fire in the hole

A quick post before i take off to my late night revelry, this regards panadol and headaches and the wonders of communicating when one is in Australia and the other in the US (ed:names have been changed to protect the guilty):

me (9:48:38 PM): panadol... mmmm...
J (9:51:08 PM): ugh,... my head is still killing me
J (9:51:15 PM): maybe i should have chewed the tablets...
me (9:51:21 PM): ha ha
me (9:51:26 PM): maybe you should have snorted it
J (9:51:48 PM): dosen't work
J(9:51:52 PM): i think G tried
me(9:51:55 PM): oh... anally?
me (9:53:50 PM): try anal
J(10:07:18 PM): maybe you can try it and let me know if it works. probably much slower acting

after this there was no response and I had to go out and get happen (as my american friend put it), that's happy for all you non-COOL people. Ciao Ciao~

Those dog-gone years


My dog Posted by Hello

Yeah so I decided to let you see my cute little doggy. My best pal in the world. Who, unfortunately, my sis named bubbles. He's defintetely scared for life. if my mum named me bubbles I'd be totally f**ked up [Hi mom. Thanks for being so smart]. He's just getting old. Like super old... some 49 doggy years old. Yeah soon I have to the entrance of my modern burrow and just let him go to sleep with the fishes... and all that jazz... I should move him to the USA so he can freeze his ballz off... Yeah Buddy!

Modern Burrow

This is a modern burrow. Yeah... there you go. Modern architecture at it's best. Oh yeah baby.

mod, chic, art deco

Had to pay a top notch architect to recreate my home for all you busybodies out there.

Also for all you folks who have nothing better to do. Let me tell you what I did all day. I woke up, ate, shat and slept. There. Now rinse and repeat a couple thousand times. That's the story of my f**king life [Hi mom! No I have a more exciting life]. Take that Biatch!

The spyhole is important for checking out people who are hot (you know who you are)[Hi mom! I am looking for a life partner] (ed: not true, he's actually just saying it so she'll stop nagging him, why am I speaking in the third person... MEGALOMANIA). Also for picking out annoying people like.... DRIVERS WITH CELLPHONES!!!
Friends don't let friends be morons, they just f**king slit their throats. That's right my gentle reader(s) we f**king slit their throats and watch them choke on their blood. Oh yeah baby...

Anyway I'm off for a little sleepy weepy... all by my lonesome in my mod, chic, art deco {insert other such type words in here, go on use your huge vocabulary} home.

Until you suffer my words again I leave you with a word from a wise friend of mine: "Yeah Buddy!"

Caving In

Ha ha! So I had to cave in. Everybody else is blogging the hell out here, so I guess I have to. Otherwise I kena called mountain tortise. Damn! That's what I should have used as my .blogspot shit. Crapoola. Wah Lau! I tell you ah... I kept thinking of all sorts of titles but this cannot and that cannot... Sigh sigh..

So finally I chose modernburrow. No one will get this ever. Muahahaha... Damn... got knock on my door.... Hang on...

Dang it. Got to go to the airport... :P Woosh...

Anyway unless you're Jenny [Hi Mom! I'm not gay!] you won't even get it. If you are Jenny, then I say Archigram!!!!! See under: Spray Plastic House.

In case all you gutterminded fools think Jenny is like my girlfriend or something, the answer is NO!!! I'm a lean (lies!), mean (lies!), single (truth, unfortunately) killing (i wish!) machine (lies!).

Oh yeah for all you grammar police out there, eat my F**King ballz. They're quite tasty really (lies, at least I think so, hmmmm....). There is no grammar in a stream of conciousness type up. So there go find another blog to comment on.

No I'm not some sexy girl blogger [Hi Mom!]. And no I don't like pink. I like girls... but then I like boys... I like blue.. and black and all those dark colours. Actually pink scares the hell out of me. It's like the colour of EVIL! Yeah like the Axis of Evil should adopt pink as their colours... That and Barney. That little biatch still owes me like $50. Does Gav have to bitch slap Barney? Stay tuned for more on that...

Back to my comments on little boys and girls [Hi Michael Jackson!]. I want to make clear what I said. I enjoy the company of men, but sex... oooooooo baby that's for me and women. Love u long long time... :P No serious. Come give me a try [Hi Mom! I'm not a manwhore.].

And if you think i'm writing this drunk or high, that answer is NO. Or yes. Or NO! heh... I like a good mindf**k. Think of this as a theatre of pain production. Or blog of pain. But you know you'll keep coming back you little whores. You love the pain... Muahahahahaha...

Ok ok... must go airport in this foreign land... No not afgahnistan, but not singapore either. Go figure where I'm from I give all of you clue... I'm not in Antartica. Ha! Take that bitch (antartica not you my one and only reader).

May the randomness be with me... and the farce be with you!!!!!