For want of a better title: O What a Night!

For want of a better title

Tall and Tan and oh so Sexy, the boy *not* from Ipanema goes walking by...

Friday, April 15, 2005

O What a Night!

Ok Ok. So I already got fan(s) sia! Actually no count... This one a bit old... a bit not fresh... heh... Told you you'll only get abuse here. Thirty is the new Five Hundred man [Hi mom.] (ed: the author's mum isn't that old)... Way too old for me... Like must hang out with Merlin or something now... Lao Gudong (antique for the non-Chinese inclined) section... Yeah Buddy!

So anyway me and some friend ended up at my fav fav cigar lounge... Muahahahahaha... Yes I smoke baby rabbits... I also love my baby humans stir fried (disclaimer: I really don't eat baby humans, I love them... but tortured baby cows, also known as veal, that's a different story)... shaken not stirred mind you... Wok and Roll baby, Wok and Roll!

Ok back to the story of me at a bar, there was this major promo for an "ultimate men's website". The question came up, what's an ultimate men's website, outside of our wet dreams on the net. Heh... Sure flood the net with *ahem* man juice (ed: he means sperms). Talking about wet dreams, why issit you never really quite remember it. And why is it always more satisfying than sex? Well I suppose at least we know we wake up to something we can live with... This one time in band camp...

Sorry... Back to story... So we kept pondering that question, and then we read the flyer (amongst dumber males reading is a sign of weakness). So it's got music and movies and games and models and more... Fwah... Really my wet dream come true man. I mean which man doesn't dream of having sex with a hot model, while listening to Marvin Gaye (let's get it on), playing Halo 2 on Xbox and watching De-Lovely [Hi mom. I love Cole Porter's music not his life style honest] (ed: Actually he's lying, he admitted tonight to several friends he could have a man as a life partner, say goodbye to grandkids)... Erm technical difficulties {at this point the ed and the author go at it with huge pumpkin carving knives}

Ok back to regularly scheduled disjointed shit... So if any girl would like to have sex with me [hi mom. see doing my national duty making babies] (disclaimer: I practise safe sex) while I watch a movie about bi-sexuality, play a violent game and listen to sexy music all while eating my fav chicken ceasar salad, drop me a line at my modern burrow. I'll be there in two shake of a leg.

Talking about national duty.. if you're a singaporean male besides serving NS you need to remember that you're also required to make babies (the army does own our sperm... evil f**kers), and piss (we need NeWater). If only we could piss and make babies and serve NS all at once. Save time... That's the singaporean way. Just imagine... Ok Coporal Rabbit you need to go for your weekly national duty... remember piss first then F**k her and then go back to rifle range.

Yah anyway so the bartender at my fav cigar bar, Maria, is going to the Police Acadamy... Heh now must be careful when she pulls me over... Talking about which, if I were a police officer I would be evil imagine:

me: Hello son. Do you know how fast you were going.
guy: erm how fast was I going?
me: 100km/h on an 80km/h road.
guy:oh... sorry... rough day
me: that's ok. here have some beer. and relax
guy: oh sure. thanks.
me: now I have to arrest you for drunk driving.

muahahahahaha... (ed: Sorry back, had to stitch myself together. The author really isn't that evil, he's sweet and caring and any girl/guy who's interested should marry him. Like RIGHT NOW!) [Hi mom.]

So anyway I've been listening to jazz songs and realising that I have to prepare my paper for a conference. I figure that I'd go early to the conference find a hot female panelist and ask her, "hey we've got 1/2 hour want to go somewhere and f**k first?" Talk about scholarly exchange. (to be honest I am a sincere intellectual) (lies!)

Also I can't get a girl off my mind... You know like a f**king loop that just doesn't go away. It's not like a broken record [hi mom. you know I love you.](lies!), but a good one you know... Just keep thinking of her. Then you wonder if she's thinking of you. Then you realise she might be thinking of another guy. The Biatch! How there she cheat on me even though we're only dating in my head. (ed: The author is not crazy. Honest.)(lies!) So how do you get a woman out of your head? I can only think of chopping my head off, but if any of you sickos out there (since you have no life but to read this drivel) come up with a better idea. DON'T drop me a line. Keep those sick ideas to yourself... pervs! Jeez, is the life of someone you don't know that important? For those who know me then carry on. (ed: he means it). We all know how magnetic a personality I have. I mean i stick to fridges...

Well it's like 3am here in la la land right now... Must go to sleep. Have to go buy scotch for my prof tomorrow. As a present, not like he's an alcholic and I'm running an errand. I am no one's errand boy [hi mom. you're excluded] (ed: we all know who's bitch you want to be, and I'm not talking about your dog). The funny thing is all these girls in my thesis group want to go buy scotch with me. Like they don't know two shits about it. Maybe I'm just to sexy for my scotch... Either that or they're eyeing my modern burrow. Forget it I'm never giving up my burrow (advert: for sale US$100000)

Talking about scotch... I've started drinking it at my economics lectures... heh... Economics is so fun when you can't draw straight lines... Plus it makes all those freshmeat, i mean freshmen look so attractive.(ed: he's kidding. they're still ugly). [Hi mom. I acutally get good grades dun worry].

OK OK boring all you fookers out there. Actually if you've read this far I commend you on your dedication. Because I have said exactly nothing at this point. Zilch. Zero. Nada. (ed: I agree). Wow. you guys really have no life to read so far. So let me leave you with another word of the wise:"I don't eat with my mouth full." Ah... that's a good one... Excuse me while i dream of an "ultimate men's website".


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