For want of a better title: The pre-occupation

For want of a better title

Tall and Tan and oh so Sexy, the boy *not* from Ipanema goes walking by...

Monday, April 18, 2005

The pre-occupation

Gotteinhimel! God Damn it! It's really bugging me... I mean I can't go to sleep. This is f**king irritating. It's getting worst by the minute. I f**king hate this feeling. I'm beginning to hate the whole mating ritual. I mean seriously... This really bites...

Anyway I went on a long walk with a friend today who was slightly drunk. He kept bugging me to unleash my dark side on the world.[hi mom. I'm a good boy](lies!) It's not like I have a mental problem or anything (lies!) My Sis also was worried that I was going crazy or that something's wrong. Same with another friend... People are worried that what I type here is not me, but something else altogether. To be perfectly honest, everything here really is me. This is the me that gets all cramped up inside by honour, duty and what convention dictates.

I hate this feeling... this crush... really being crushed by its immense weight. It's also f**king preventing my total conversion into this person that you read and love (you better all LOVE and WORSHIP me). Lousy vestiages of a previous life... The conversion should not be impeded... I've really doubted the idea of love... I think it's sort of wound up in all sorts of crap. Love is simple, none of that bullshit and love has nothing to do with the feeling of being in love [hi mom. i love you in spite of being such a nag]. That's why crushes suck, because there's that damnable feeling. Love as a feeling has done jackshit for me, so that's why I'm declaring war on Cupid. Take that biatch! F**king pussy wearing diapers and shooting arrows. If you're man enough come take me on man to man. Unarmed combat... How about that you little whore... bastard child...

So there, take that... Trying to get to sleep... F**king A...

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