For want of a better title: The Precieved Recieved

For want of a better title

Tall and Tan and oh so Sexy, the boy *not* from Ipanema goes walking by...

Tuesday, April 19, 2005

The Precieved Recieved

Hello my faithless readers. You never leave comments and you never send me sexy messages. It's almost like talking to myself you tiny little biatches! I command you ADORE and LOVE me. Send me loads of shit. Flowers, chocolates, adorations...

I watched many movies in the past few weeks, but yesterday I saw I Heart Huckabees and Connie & Carla. Both good movies in their own freaking right. I Y Huckabess was such a good movie because it explains existentialism and nihilism. I realised I have been wrestling with this idea for a long time. Are we all connected like some big blanket and nothing is different from anything else? Or are we connected but nothing matters, all there is in life is suffering and pain? I suppose in the end we are connected by pain and suffering, by joy and delight. It is so wonderful, this thing called life.

Connie & Carla is sort of heartwarming. It also is a somewhat gay film, so I suppose the Singapore censors may have had a go at it. But it really is a story about who someone is. Who are we? Why are there social norms that we must obey? This social contract with society, how is it that society ends up controlling us if we're equal partners in this contract? Hmmm... Does anything matter? All hard questions which this little bunny doesn't quite care for right now. Right now this bunny is contemplating interconnectedness on another level...[hi mom.]

Met my crush last night to hand over some stuff to her. OMG. Even when she's sick and full of tiredness she still tugged at my heart strings. I hate love, I really do. It makes suckers of us. I've been kicked around so badly by love in the past that I don't think I really want to taste that false wine [hi mom. I'll try to get married] (lies!). The past few days have been where I try to medidate and discern the source of this evil feelings. Is it companionship because I am lonely? Is it something that links us together? Fate? Destiny? But we are creators of our own destiny. Lust? I haven't had sex in a long while [hi mom. I'm a good boy] (lies!). I'm craving the sweet, but false, taste of love? The thrill of the chase? All these things really bug me. Makes me think hard about myself. You see folks this is the darker side of me, the more honest, more forthcoming side. But this is also the manipulative, childish and attention-seeking side. This is the dark side. The bright side of me is this staid, conventional, mature piece of shit. Yeah you heard me, he's a turd. Filial eldest son. Good brother. Loyal friend. Honest person. All-round good guy. He's a piece of shit if you ask me. Nothing there but duty and honour. No maliciousness in his bone. Not me, no siree. I have every intent of evil in my bones. All you sick and stupid human beings are meant to be manipulated by me. Toyed by me. Let me use your emotions to control you. Stupid biatches! (ed: erm... the author is beginning to scare me, considering he's taking over more and more of my life).

But this love thing has both me and my pansy assed good side agreeing to compromise. Love the higher ideal my arse, but still I do not think if I were true to this form all the time it would last for too long. There must be balance I suppose. Same with existentialism and nihilism, there must be balance between the two. Otherwise we become a bunch of f**king hippies or terrorists. Life must come from balance, but it sucks having to share it with that duty bound sucker. He's too nice to the damn girl. I want to come right out and say it, but he wants to play by the rules of courtship. The little prick!

Anyway I have to go and get my tummy filled. Have a fun fun day. Remember to spread outright honesty and brtual truth to the world. Be like Alexander the Great and cut through the Gordian Knot of the crap of societal conventions. Don't be nice, be true.

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