For want of a better title: Deny thyself, this is kinda a serious post

For want of a better title

Tall and Tan and oh so Sexy, the boy *not* from Ipanema goes walking by...

Monday, May 02, 2005

Deny thyself, this is kinda a serious post

I've been thinking about something someone said to me... about not giving up on love. I've thought quite alot about it. Including through the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, which is a fantastic movie, must have dvd *drool*. I've also thought alot about myself and who I am... This leads to alot of other questions coming up...

First I'd like to say that I realise I haven't necessarily given up on love. I think I've just given up on eros love. I don't want a pretty wife or a smart wife. In the end I want a heart to care for me. It could be a man or a woman. I think I've said this before. The most romantic thing to me is for someone to just hold my hand and say: "Lay all your worries on my lap, put all your troubles on my shoulders, whisper all your fears in my ears." Perhaps the marriage/civil union is unconventional. Perhaps we're never married. Why would it matter? All I want to do is come home, leave my worries at the door and just celebrate life. I just want someone to celebrate life with me. Of course you say that arguments about the facts of life are bound to creep in, and the truth is that it will. But we can choose to fight them together and not have to bicker against each other. Too ideal you say? Maybe, so maybe I will never find this elusive lover then. In the end, I may just have me.

The next thing is that sometimes we become so obssessed with something, we can't see clearly where our road is going. It's like a fog and we need fog lights. There's a path that seems dangerous and dark, and contrary to who we are, do we take it? The answer to that is of course impossible to know. I guess the answer is 42. Can we come back if we take the plunge? Will we ever be able to come back? Life doesn't have a reset button. We must be careful...

I'm a romantic in my philosophy as well as in my life. Mind you not the goo goo ga ga stuff, but Rousseau and all that stuff. I doubt I'm a pure romantic, but I have those strains within me. Life can never be truly bad, and life can never be permanently black. Afterall darkness is the absense of light. But light is not the absense of dark. Darkness may be our pre-conditioned state, our base state, but if we keep the spark of life in us, we will always be able to generate light. Remember it is in light that civilisation is built. There are no civilisations that function at night, we base our cycles on the sun. We may use the lunar calender but we plant crops according to the sun. The rhythm of life beats to the sun. Even the moon is the reflected glory of light.

The person warned me not to be a zombie of the system, and I said i will not be. Whether I escape it or embrace it, I will never let it control me. I will hold on to that spark of life, that light of humanity. Life is worth living only because of the light we carry. Snuff it or deny it, and life becomes less lived.

That's all I can say to you my dear dear surreal friend. I adore you, but recent events worry me. I'll be honest and say I do have emotions for you and that may colour my perception. But I also feel like we were cut from the same cloth of life. I may be younger but I do not think age denies my experiences.

To all my other friends and readers, sorry for such a serious post, but this bunny has been a little worried. And because one of my close friends is in a pickle of a position, it's tough to be upbeat, it gnaws at my very soul. This bunny has feelings too biatches! But I promise we'll go back to our regularly scheduled drivel, and remember the answer to life is 42!


  • At 5/03/2005 4:55 AM, Blogger alley said…

    ok u got me curious.
    wat the hack is 42 suppose to meet ?

    got your link from my darling #1's site.


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