For want of a better title: Saving for a good fart

For want of a better title

Tall and Tan and oh so Sexy, the boy *not* from Ipanema goes walking by...

Sunday, May 15, 2005

Saving for a good fart

Ok. So Oracle, that little shitehole (ed: he loves you still), has complained that my blog is losing it's je ne sais quoi, which I feel is kinda true. This is largely due to the fact that this little bunny has been bored mindless. All that packing and non-drinking makes this bunny a fucking dull boy. But I thought some of you folks would have appreciated the Blog Con one. Well well then, you little f**kers... I'm just saving some good shite for last.

First and foremost. Microbrew Fest... OMG! It was amazing for US$23 I could drink all the beer my little wabbit tummy could hold [hi mom. I am not an alcoholic]. But that's not the interesting part. the funny part is how all these beer fest bring out moustaches, tobacco and bikers. It's really funny. Handlebars, goatees, all sorts... I mean this bunny had like a day old Asian stubble patch, but those were monsters. I mean big fucking monsters. I mean I saw 20 somethings with bright flaming red moustaches and beards. Smoking pipes... heh... So funny. It got funnier when this little bunny started getting drunk. Also with all the doggies around... I started going crazy... chasing the dogs around... pouring beer for them when their owners weren't looking. It was all crazy. There was also a silent auction that I took part in but forgot to show up... So i guess even if I won... I didn't... sounds like my sex life (ed: Now now... don't lie)...

Next thing I knew a bomb went off and the medic was crawling right up next to me... "Dude. WTF? I thought this was safe territory?!" "How the f**k would I know you little twat?!" "OMG!" KEBABOOM!!

-Back to regularly scheduled blog-

So anyway does it bother anyone that women smell fear like dogs? Does that make them bitches? Hmmm... Also I read on another blog how Singaporean boyfriends are cab drivers. WTF! Why are you spoiling the market?! I mean seriously... DON'T SPOIL THE MARKET!! Singaporean women should be made to learn that we can love them and leave them. Seriously... If my g/f (if I had one) called and asked me to pick her up at some f**king ulu location, my reply would be:"Honey, go f**k yourself. I'm out with the boys. Take a f**king cab. Biatch!" (ed: ahem... he's actually really nice folks...) I know we all love pussy, but really they're just going to leave you for the bad boy with the nicer car. So why bother. Be a jerk. Someday your prince will come... (princess I mean) (lies!).

Talking about singaporean men/boys, someone decided that NS makes moles out of boys. I mean this bunny has been through NS. Eating snake and sleeping under 3 tons... But I served my time ok you little biatches. F**K! I even lost 1cm of my little pinky for nothing. Oh well... But I disagree... Army imparts many great tools for us (ed: One Country, One People, One Singapore, right?)... Don't listen to Ed, he's f**ked up. We get tools like how to avoid massive arrows, dodging arrows, tai chi (aka shifting the blame), cursing/swearing in more than 2 languages, how to look like your doing something when nothing is going on, sucking up, smoking, drinking, complaining (the quintessential singaporean skill), how good writing skills are prized over all else, guns are fun, and all singaporean guys are generally horny bastards. Yeah... I mean seriously...

The next thing the city of Fejldor knew was that a group of eight red dragons had descended on the main castle. King Korrin was dead within the hour. Prince Rolof had fled into the forests with his trusted men, Rimald the Blue and Corak the Crazy Elf. The evil wizard, Hamidar the Fish eater, had installed himself as Supreme Leader of Fejldor. Orcs and goblins were every where enforcing the rule of Hamidar. All hope lay in the young Prince, his paladin, his crazy elf ranger and a dwarf named Torbit the Shorter than usual.

-Back to your regularly scheduled blog-

I am extremely upset at finicky feline. I can't believe I didn't make the eight guys she'd date. WTF?! My online personality not good enough for you? Gotinhimel! Anyway... I like being a straight shooter and telling it as it is. Singaporean women are far too picky. I mean must be humourous and sensitive, yet must be ambitious, also must have car, and must have a little bit of bad boy streak... Wah Lau... go fly a kite, can? Just pick me... I'm the best that's ever going to come along. SO THERE!

Want to know what's the problem with Singaporean women? OR in fact all women? They've never dated me... (or had me in bed) (ed: sigh) [hi mom. I'm not a man whore] (lies!)

Talking about that, the other day I was with an old friend, MH. She was telling me how her new beau has a huge dick. I would sure like to see it. And I called her a slut and whore, since only 2 months ago she was lamenting about how she could never love again when her last toy boy broke her heart. Couldn't even sleep in her bed. The little tramp, now she's off shacking up with some big dicked guy. I also want to shack up with some big dicked guy (ed: he's straight... honest). Anyway she got to know the wilder side of me. And she was like: "OMG. You're scaring me. I though you were a boring, staid guy, but this is wierd." Ha ha! Never take me at face value little chick.

Well my little biatches, my vampy jie is somewhat back in business, but I suspect she's been studiously avoiding me. Too bad. I wanted to ask her some questions regarding dicks, i hope she's an expert. I mean I don't even know how big mine is compared to other guys, since walking into a locker room and asking to compare dicks is kinda unsettling for most guys. I mean in the army when everyone was in the bathroom, I was walking around in my briefs and everyone was like"put on pants" I mean seriously. My junk is exactly like your junk. Plus I'm not shoving it in your face. If there are any girls out there who'd like to help me figure out this all important yet near impossible question to solve, let me know. [hi mom. was it grandchildren before marriage or the other way around] Or if you want it shoved in your face, that's also fine by me.

Ingredient list for Potion of Healing: "Water, Sucrose Syrup, Glucose-Fructose Syrup, Citric Acid, Dragon's breath, Artificial Eye of Newt, Natural and Artificial Unicorn Blood, Salt, Sodium Citrate, Monopotassium Phosphate, Wings of a baby Wyvern, Ester Gum, Blue 1, Red 40."Shake Well.Refrigerate after opening.

-Now back to your irregular blog-

It really bugs me that I have to perform for an audience. So if you don't like it you can shove off. Except oracle. Because he's cool and we go way back. plus he breathes fire and eats babies for breakfast (which should be right around now).

Also Cowboy Caleb, drinking scotch with soda on the rocks is a crime against humanity. Especially single malts. Only way to drink something as good as scotch is neat with a splash of water. Only way... Must appreciate the good things in life, like wine, scotch, cheese, german beer and long long sex sessions... Cannot anyhow ruin it with things like ice, soda, kraft, light beer, unwanted babies.

Want to know what kind of women I want to date, read Linda Chia's Intro?, heh... if the condom doesn't fit you must ride bareback. Actually i'm not that picky. Anything also can lah... Come one, come all... Celle also can. But cannot stop clubbing. There's nothing wrong with drinking all week long. Wait until I come home, then you all can see how much alcohol this tiny bunny can put down before becoming a public nuisance (only once in my life) heh... Hmmmm... if Celle comes, then Sandra can come too... Yippeee! So fun... two for one. Sounds like a good deal.

Hokay... Done for now... You happy Orcale. You little mole... Don't think just because you breathe fire I'll be afraid of you. I have dragons at my beck and call (said dragons twice) (lies!). For the rest of you biatches... I leave you but with one thought... Yeah Buddy!

2 Comments:

  • At 5/16/2005 3:31 AM, Anonymous VampTreSS said…

    I don't avoid ppl.. I simply disappear.. :P

    U have done nothing to me, why should I disappear?

    Stop bein paranoid.. Paranoid Wabbits aren't good wabbits..

     
  • At 5/17/2005 4:15 AM, Blogger paul said…

    we like the same kinda women dude. we should date.

     

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