For want of a better title: Prometheus Bound

For want of a better title

Tall and Tan and oh so Sexy, the boy *not* from Ipanema goes walking by...

Saturday, June 18, 2005

Prometheus Bound

This is kind of a serious post. Right now I don't think my humor can really fight off this feeling. Humor is always my weapon to deal with the cathartic process of blogging/writing. So unless you really want to be bored, you might just want to move on to another blog for now.

I suspect I will be watching Hitch soon. I sympathise with the main character. You have all these wonderful rules that helps everyone else and you've used it often. But suddenly this one person walks in and your whole rule book goes out the window and you become a wuss. Unlike movies though, real life can suck alot more. Don't worry my duckies, I haven't hit rock bottom yet. And we all know that the sun always recharges this little bunny's batteries.

But alarm bells are just ringing all over. It feels like i'm in a submarine that got hit by torpedoes and you're taking on water. Captain decks 4 through 10 are flooded. You know you're breaking every rule in the book, but you keep doing it, and that puts you in such a wierd place. One part of you is screaming for you to stick to the plan and another is just humming and destroying every guideline. Sigh... (ed: woah... this is really wierd... so mellow... wierd...)

You meet someone who's like you in so many ways, and you think you've found a safe harbour, yet it turns out that there are issues that the person has to clear up. That really burns and hurts. You think you're not really going to find another person like that. You date around, you become Mr Smooth, and then you meet another person who touches your soul in ways that you can't quite explain. All you know is that every time you look at the person all you can think of is a picture of a safe harbour... sigh... but life is never quite that perfect.

Today I was watching a wonderful performance by the Fireflies. I admire them. They twirl batons of fire. Like dragons (ha... see I haven't forgotten you Oracle). The only thing I twirl is my pen. Heh... and it's most definetely not on fire... Although fiery pens... that's a marketing idea. Buy one for the teacher you hate, watch him/her go up in flames. The thing is though I was just standing there and I feel so disjointed. So disconnected. I looked around and just felt entirely out of place. Like a stranger at home. That is very weird. You come home and nothing seems quite comfortable. You go back to your other place and you still feel like an outsider. Where exactly is my modern burrow? Who really knows?

And then off to Km8 for something to do with looking out for someone's friend. Now there is absolutely a sense of disjointedness. I realise I'm uncomfortable amongst beautiful people. Besides being Quasimodo, I just really feel uncomfortable. I mean I know a few beautiful people but they've always kept it real. Over at km8 I felt like everything was plastic. It really didn't help the feeling of total disconnectedness. I just felt like I was looking at an illusion and if you removed the masks you would see the decrepit values that we worship so religously.

A wise person told me recently that I was lucky to have the chance to choose. And I've always been mindful of that. I know I was blessed with the ability to choose. A dreamer or an idealist? I don't know. I believe myself to be a pragmatic idealist. This mix really makes me feel so un-home even in the place that I embrace as home. Sigh...

Yet home is where I must be. Duty and obligation beckons. You come to the point when you just have to make that decision you've been avoiding. Everyone tells you that there's still some time, even your parents [hi mom. I really want to come home and take care of you and dad, my decision made under no pressure, but my sense of what is right]. Which is true, but then again we need to have a general direction that we want to take.

And to YOU (you know who you are, the one with the one of a kind phone pouch), that'll probably be another reason to come home. I must try in earnest, musn't I? =)

Life really is strange you lose all you old friends to their careers and then you meet a whole new bunch of people with whom you can seek advise from, laugh with and just enjoy the simple things in life. Is not life nothing more than simple pleasures?

Ok I promise you'll get your regularly scheduled bunny in the next post (ed: but why? I love this much better) (shut up you!) (ed: but...)(no more out of you.)

2 Comments:

  • At 6/18/2005 7:41 PM, Anonymous hellsbel said…

    it will take time to find your spot. most of the time, feeling not quite 'in' is due to your shuffling - living with different cultures. but luck would be such that there are more of these global citizens and quite a number of them will feel that way. regardless, there is very little that a little time wouldn't cure.

    sleep helps too. sleep well and long.

     
  • At 6/18/2005 10:54 PM, Blogger Postmaster-General said…

    Ha ha... the sun helps alot too. =)
    And that special someone too... you know who... =P (must protect the identity otherwise my female fans will kill) =P

     

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