For want of a better title: A ton of bricks no more no less...

For want of a better title

Tall and Tan and oh so Sexy, the boy *not* from Ipanema goes walking by...

Saturday, June 25, 2005

A ton of bricks no more no less...

Which would you choose? A ton of bricks or a ton of feathers? This always causes people to slip up (well banana peels also cause people to slip up, but totally different story).

I realised today that I am an evil person. Well I actually didn't discover this today so much as coming to the conclusion that I am evil. Or I am at the cusp of crossing over to the dark side. Yes folks... The DARK SIDE (must remember to bring a torchlight otherwise sure get lost, like NS boys in the jungle).

Strange how you wake up one moring look into the mirror and realise that the high ideals that you had a a child (thank you Confucius, Aristotle and Jesus), so unknowingly nurtured by your parents [hi mom. all those books you bought nurtured me] have been taken down one by one. And the person who is taking it down is me. Let's be honest... I know it, I can feel it and the dark side actually feels good.

Just in case you think I'm about to go out pillaging and plundering, think again (the lack of weapons, transportation and bloodthirsty companions are roadblocks). I'm still nice I guess and there's still some good in me. But I just get this feeling that the younger me would balk at the older me.

I remember always thinking that when I grew up I'd be something or other. You know... A handsome young man, full of sophistication, wit and charm. Honest and upright. Full of valour and honour. But taking stock, I don't quite think so. Well at least handsome is out. And honesty has been compromised. And righteousness just doesn't quite carry the day, as I have learnt recently. Honour is worthless and valour is for fools. Not sophisticated (can't quote any philosopher) and charm is not quite there. So all I have is wit. Heh... Which of course is too sharp at times and sometimes just plain weird (no one gets me but me).

When I was young I consoled myself by saying that I may not be top dog (try middle of the pecking order) but when I grew older I'd be numero uno or at least close to the top (when I was young I had this theory that #1 was bad, #2 was a much quieter spot). Now that I am older, I suppose I'm not quite there yet. At least here in Singapoo, I feel like i'm nowhere. Back in the US, I knew I was someone, I was my own man, and I was amongst the best. Back here, I always feel like I am my father's son or my mother's darling boy [hi mom.]. I mean I never know why I am being treated the way I am. Is it because I am truly bright and talented, or is it because I am scion of my parents. Sure I have friends who know me as me, but that shadow will always loom. That's why I can't be a doctor, lawyer or banker. I'll never know if I am where I am because of my own talents or because someone figured out who I was. Like my Army days. I never knew I was a white horse until nearing ORD. If it wasn't for a nice signaller and medic, I would never have found out. My horse wasn't stamped on my docket, but on the web system. I never knew Chief of Defense Force called to ask about me. Or some nice colonel I didn't even know. I never knew my CO and S3 would always whisper stuff about me when I was presenting WITS ideas. But I suppose if only the higher ups knew then everyone else lower down probably treated me the way they did because of who I am, not who my family knew.

Sigh... Maybe I haven't gone over yet. But it is tempting. To be that evil person. The other side. The side that my little doggy would run away from. Well who knows what paths we take until we're too deep into them.

Have a wonderful saturday my duckies. I'm off to take a bostonian beauty on a tour of singapoop. =P

1 more day before the man on the moon returns (see previous interviews).

1 Comments:

  • At 6/25/2005 9:39 AM, Anonymous Mr Moron said…

    I remember always thinking that when I grew up I'd be something or other. You know... A handsome young man, full of sophistication, wit and charm. Honest and upright. Full of valour and honour. But taking stock, I don't quite think so. Well at least handsome is out. And honesty has been compromised. And righteousness just doesn't quite carry the day, as I have learnt recently. Honour is worthless and valour is for fools. Not sophisticated (can't quote any philosopher) and charm is not quite there. So all I have is wit. Heh... Which of course is too sharp at times and sometimes just plain weird (no one gets me but me).

    Pretty much the case for me too.

    Hey, you make being a white house sound bad! What's so bad about that anyway?

    But then again I guess you'll never know how it is like to be one until you've actually been one.

     

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