For want of a better title: el soltero

For want of a better title

Tall and Tan and oh so Sexy, the boy *not* from Ipanema goes walking by...

Saturday, July 02, 2005

el soltero

You know that cole potter song? What is this thing called love?

What Is This Thing Called Love?

I was a humdrum person
Leading a life apart
When love flew in through my window wide
And quickened my humdrum heart

Love flew in through my window
I was so happy then
But after love had stayed a little while
Love flew out again

What is this thing called Love?
This funny thing called Love?
Just who can solve its mystery?
Why should it make a fool of me?

I saw you there one wonderful day
You took my heart and threw it away
That’s why I ask the Lord in Heaven above
What is this thing called Love?

What is this thing called Love?
This funny thing called Love?
Just who can solve its mystery?
Why should it make a fool of me?

I saw you there one wonderful day
You took my heart and threw it away
That’s why I ask the Lord in Heaven above
What is this thing called Love?


Love is a very strange creature isn't it. I remember the first time I ever went out seriously with a girl. I wouldn't call her my first love since I was still on training wheels. I just jumped on the opportunity to have a girlfriend (I blame my all boys school education). Looking back the pairing was not the best or brightest. And so I ended it. But I suppose I ended it in guilt when I started considering other women. We lasted about 1 year. I realised then that my understanding of love was evolving...

My next girl friend was a very sweet girl, but then again I was a very sweet guy. I guess we ended that relationship because we were both quite practical. She was off to university and I was in the Army. It wouldn't have worked. My best friend pointed it out that there are more eligible bachelors in the university. And true enough she's totally attached to this engineer, who by the way she complains is unromantic. That's what you get babe for dating a man with no soul. (ed: a little bitter are we?) I began to realise that love was a word often bandied seldom understood. What is it?

I don't think I want to bore you too much with the evolution of my conception of love. I have reached this place where I begin to understand that love is a feeling, but love is also an act. We can act out of love without having a feeling of love. On some days we just hate our loved ones [hi mom. you know you get on my nerves sometimes], but we continue to be patient, kind, caring and generous even on their most unloveable days and on our worst days.

The Greeks had several words for love. Eros is what we'd call romantic love or desire. This love is of course obsessive, lustful and very very blinding. Too often we confuse the two, or are not honest enough to admit that we lust after someone and not love them in any other way. Philia is love between two people who have no familial bonds. Friendship. Platonic love. Where there is not sexual component to it. Like me and FA. We have a very platonic love. We enjoy each other, but do not lust for each other. Storge is natural love. Love that subsists between sons of the same mother and between parents and children. The love of family. We also have Agape love this is unconditional love. As a Catholic I believe that God loves us unconditionally (you can argue if you want, but I'm sticking to the theology). I try my best to emulate that, but it is indeed difficult. Everything we do is lined with agenda, it may be good or bad. But remember the road to Hell is paved with good intentions.

Why do I mention the Greek conception of love? Well I guess because I am a Greek (fraternity man) but also because alot of modern western culture is rooted in the Greeks (no I haven't abandon my Chinese culture, they just don't talk about alot of love). In my life I have known all four kinds of love. Right now I am experiencing all four right now. Sometimes I can experience several of them in one person (ok not storge and eros, you sick f**ks).

I have been thinking about romantic love, I know it makes the heart beat so fast. It gives me butterflies in my tummy and it just drives me crazy with desire. But I always remember the flip side of desire is despair. Twins (thank you neil gaiman). Same emotions. Just different conclusions i suppose. Sigh... Desire and Despair... so similiar. So cruel both...

Alright... off to bed again. Need more sleep. Hope I've bored all you people to death. =P

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