For want of a better title: The Rules of Engagement

For want of a better title

Tall and Tan and oh so Sexy, the boy *not* from Ipanema goes walking by...

Wednesday, July 27, 2005

The Rules of Engagement

Inspired by FF's post on farting-

Here is are the rules to doorknob (House Rules):

(1) When someone farts, he must say "safety" only at the end of the fart. "Safety" at the beginning and middle of a fart does nothing to protect you from a "doorknob"

(2) The fart victims (or anyone within earshot range for those loud farts) may yell "doorknob" if no "safety" is yelled at the end of a fart. "Doorknobs" in the beginning or a middle of the fart do not count towards the beatings.

(3) If a "doorknob" is successful the farter must make it to a doorknob (see next point for what qualifies as a doorknob). In the mean time, everyone else may proceed to beat the crap out of the farter as he scrambles to make for a doorknob.

(4) Doorknobs must swivel. Your round kinds and the handle kinds are fine. Any door that requires push/pull do not work. The knob must turn or swivel.

(5) The knob need not be attached to a door per se, but must be used for a door. i.e. if you are a serial farter, you may carry around your own doorknob. So knobs for windows and other such things do not count.

(6) Farts in outdoor situations do not count. The great outdoors can handle the smell. It's the not so great indoors where farts are deadly.

(7) A rumbling tummy does not count as a fart. Burps are not mouth farts either.

(8) Farting in a moving vehicle means a beatdown until you get to a doorknob. The driver of the car also has the power to eject you from the vehicle.

(9) In event of a dispute, assume that "doorknob" is in play. Just run for a door, mr.farter. In a car, the driver has the final say.

(10) You may not maim or kill the farter, just bruise him/her. Unless he's lactose intolerant and purposely ate lots of beans, eggs, cheese, yoghurt and chugged milk just to release the smelliest fart known to man. Then you may take drastic action, butt plugs will be allowed in this case.

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